This is not about fried turkey.

So we were having fried turkey last night. Mmmm fried Turkey! Everyone was having a good time. The food was great. People were laughing, telling jokes, telling stories, arguing, just doing what friends do, when K suggested that her friend, and everyone for that matter, wants to find true love. If you want to ruin a party...



Now I'm not  big on discussing gender anything. A known misanthrope with obvious emotional issues I'm the last one to comment on the nature of love. For example I picked the Snow White clip mainly because the whole concept it portrays is destructive to the future happiness of every young girl that sees it. There are many number  other examples ...perhaps Cinderella hooker from "Pretty Woman" or maybe converting to slutdom from the end of "Grease". I might be a misogynist, but I wouldn't feed my kids, if I ever stopped  hating long enough to have some, fairy tale nonsense or destructive stereotypes if I could help it. But that's Hollywood love. It doesn't really answer the question. Doesn't everyone long for true love?

Well there's a problem here. What is "True Love"? If  by "True Love" you mean everyone has a soul mate that is born to be your other half you have already lost me, and since all you need is one person to say no to end the concept of "everyone agrees with this", this case is closed. That was easy except...

What if "True Love" isn't something you have, but something you get too? I posted this morning about pay-offs in life. What if true love is the end of your journey? Not that fade to black moment from the movies when your  journey together would normally start? That's the moment you're all-in, head over heels, can't bare to be apart, in love, right? That's true love, right?How about 2, 3, 5 years along, still young, still getting you some 5 times a week; that's true love, right? But then come kids, and mortgages, and aging parents, and accidents, and illness, and money issues, and money woes, and desire, and neglect and they're all in the future and they're all going to always be there, but they're not simple to deal with and they don't always have good outcomes. Whoa!

I don't know how love starts for women, hell I don't know how love starts for men, but since I am a man I can venture a guess for my peeps. You ladies aren't going to like it, but for most of us it starts as a carnival ride.

"Look Ma, no hands"

I am not proud of the fact that for most of my gender when we see a woman we are attracted to we are hardwired to want to climb on and go for a spin. Crude I know, but also true. Now how do you separate that feeling, which starts in your drawers but ends in your head, from your emotions, which start in your head and stay there. The answer is you can't if you are a well raised man, but it is no problem if you are a sociopath. Too many man are sociopaths; and I'm sorry ladies but I have no tips on how to avoid them other than take your time, make sure you are not the only one he treats well, and erase that prince charming bull from your DVD player right now. We aren't talking about sociopaths though we are talking about "True Love". Most men are not sociopaths, but they do have a case of the munchies for lady parts every bit as strong as a stoner has for oreos. Again crude but mostly true. Boy are we crude.



I merely point this out because in the beginning of a relationship, and for several years after, a man's emotions and his physical urges are tied up together in a package that is not easy to sort. Can that tangled mess, no matter how intense, possibly be True Love? I say no. Does that mean there is no true love? Well I'm doing this on a turkey hangover so I need more time to think on it. Later then... which is my cue to segue to a recipe.

"Sorry, I've never cooked one and if you do it wrong you'll set yourself on fire, so we're passing on the fried turkey."

I don't want to be a cheat though so how about a recipe that will satisfy that confused guy I was talking about, the one with the lust and the emotions inhabiting a time share in his brain. If you are a woman I'll bet there are emotions and beliefs conflicting in your head too, and since this works better with a partner, you might want to jump in. You will need good quality white chocolate, 2 expresso shots, mint leaves, a finally minced serrano pepper, cream, corn syrup, paint brushes, high thread count sheets that can be ruined, a pitcher of ice water, some imagination and 12 hours. You can add whatever you like, flowers, book of poems, music... you should know the drill.

For Valentines day we mad ganache for strawberries. We got funky, but it was about eating. This time we are going to get funky but it is about...well just embrace the moment.

1. Chop the chocolate, place the chocolate in a metal bowl, place the bowl on a heating pad like you would use on your back. Set it to medium.
2. While the chocolate melts heat the cream. Chocolate and cream should be in 1:1 proportions. Since we are going for 3 add ons (you'll see) do your heating in 3 different pans.
3. When the cream boils take it off the heat. Put the expresso in one, the mint in another, and the pepper in the last.
4. Color each one differently using food color. Remember which one is the pepper or bad things will happen.
5. Now that the chocolate has melted add a  tablespoon full of corn syrup per 4 ounces of chocolate.
6. Whisk a third of the chocolate mixture into each of the creams.
7. The corn syrup will keep the chocolate from setting like a ganache. Voila! 3 kinds of chocolate body paint. Grab a brush.
8. All three are safe for external use. The pepper one will add a serious tingle on the skin, but a serious burn to the eyes and membranes of the body. You have been warned. 
9. You want comfy sheets. I high thread count is best, but even if you wash them they will never be the same so use ones that are on the way out.(I know you waste money so if you don't own high thread count sheets you are wasting it in the wrong places. You have to sleep every night.)

Go nuts.

This is not about "True Love" we're definitely not there yet,  but it is about getting to "True love". Other blogs can help with the working on it part if you are to uptight to try this or just can't be bothered you might want to start contemplating your own vision of true love. Isn't true love about mutual exploration? (as far as you want to go) and spending time together? ( that's why you need the water, dehydration is a buzz kill), and having fun? (ditch the kids, turn off the phone, ruin the sheets, enjoy yourselves), and talking?(maybe the hardest part, because that's where the lust/like thing starts to unravel). 

We just don't want to put in the time anymore. Every journey starts at the destination. You know that's going to go bad... right?... right?

Part 2 to come...