...downhill: Wow I'm old!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Wow I'm old!

...and "Archie's was the quiet bar"

So I get home from work at 5:30. I'm all hopped up because it's Saint Paddy's day and downtown will be jumping. I'm definitely jonesing big time for corned beef and cabbage. (Hey, I just post this stuff, that doesn't mean I have the time to actually cook any of it.) That should have been the tip off. Some young folk might enjoy corned beef and cabbage, most young folk might even eat some politely while making plans to get pizza later, but no one under the age of 40 "Joneses" for boiled dinner. I feel like the Shac O'Neil of partying, I can do it old style for short spurts but I can't keep up the rhythm for an extended period. (Hey that sounds like my sex life too, I really am getting old)

I go to Archie's around 6 to meet friends. Nice night, nice walk from the condo. I haven't seen this many

drunks in Haverhill since last Friday and the weather was way worse then. I'm behind the curve though. Totally sober, hungry and tired. My friends, subscribing to the American axiom that nothing succeeds like excess, were already obliterated. Now in my youth I might, only "might" mind you, have tried to play catch-up, but even as I hit the door my older more boring brain was reminding my older less elastic body that we both had to get up at 5:30 tomorrow and go to work. Yeah, but I could still enjoy a few drinks and dinner right?

Well there was no place to sit and little kids were trying to step dance where I was standing and the waitresses were cranky cause the crowd was so big and woman that were not longer girls were doing the Unicorn moves while a guitar guy played the unicorn song and I know that men paint themselves for sports event but so do women and then they paint themselves for all other holidays as well and why does anyone want to wear green deely boppers on their head and I wish the tv was off cause the news was showing footage from Japan plus footage from the aftermath of Hiroshima because those two things are exactly the same if you are lazy, and have scary file footage you want to show instead of doing actual reporting and it made me queazy thinking about it cause somehow it was way worse with the Unicorn song playing in the background and people were pushing me did I mention there was no place to sit but that didn't mater because they were already out of boiled dinner so I had a corned beef sandwich and a Guinness but it came out of a can but it still tasted good so now I was feeling a little tipsy which would have been a good thing if I was going to stay but it was a bad thing because I have to work tomorrow so I resisted the 2 women with the big shamrocks painted on their cheeks even though the had an extra seat which my friend who by now had a giant tomato head from all the alcohol he had consumed which the shamrock girls though was hilarious even though he was slurring his attempts at seduction then Two and A Half Men came on the tv and everyone cheered so loud for Charlie Sheen that you couldn't hear the guitar guy playing a mighty rebel song...

Sorry; I'm tipsy and I was getting my James Joyce on. He could write like that for 40 pages at a clip. No wonder english major that didn't get professor jobs have to work at Burger King. My prime partying days are behind me. In fact I'm such a loser I walked home even though drunk Beyonce offered me a ride in her limo. Always a gentleman, that's me.