Stormus Interuptus

So here I am, its Sunday, Irene was about as exciting as my sex life, and I'm backed up with D batteries, bottled water, and loaves of wonder bread. Still... didn't it rain!



Here's the thing, tomorrow we're all going to be sore about the big storm that didn't deliver ( I for one am glad about the fizzle, the last thing I want is a category 5 up my ass), contemptuous of the media that sold us Armageddon, and stupid enough to do it all over again the next time. Maybe we won't, maybe we'll just ignore everything the next time then cry because there is a giant tree limb in out living-room and people with guns took our water... or maybe we'll finally learn something about doing things the smart way from the get go.


Great old song, great old song about thwarted expectations. Now tomorrow the radio morons are going to make fun of everyone running around preparing for nothing, then they will take a few shots at the state government for over reacting yet again! Damn you government morons! Of coarse if the damn storm had picked up steam by swinging out over the Atlantic and had completely crushed us so there was no water or power for a week they would be spouting off about how government can't do anything right.( Stop right there. If the government did in fact completely blow a hurricane disaster, could that ever happen? Should we get rid of the government and let the free market handle the next one or should we raise our voices as one and demand that the government do better? Discuss among yourselves, I have all day.) That's because the talk radio morons have a narrative and no matter what happens they are going to make the facts fit the narrative. Turn off the radio. Just do it.

Then consider how we deal with the storm. First off predicting the future is always a sketchy proposition. ( If it was easy we would all be millionaires from the lottery who deflated the value of money, bankrupted our government and crashed the world economy. Thank you powers that be for making the future secret.) So when they predict a big storm that is a prediction not a promise. Act accordingly. Bottled water, check! Canned food, check! Candles and batteries, check! You probably already have enough of that stuff to last a week anyway. It might not be fun but you'll live. If you don't have enough for a week...

Bet you wish the government didn't suck now.

So the real questions are, how do I access risk? For example, if 20 crazy people attack your country with knives do you blow up a bunch of other countries just in case? How do I prepare for bad weather? For example, do I gear up for Armageddon or do I plan on maybe a week of inconvenience with government help coming if it looks like things my be funky for longer than that? What do I do with all of the loaves of bread? That's easy...

Mmmm Panzanella!

.... or bread salad to the rest of us.

I am assuming your big storm was a bust. If it wasn't eat the bread slowly while you stave off the barbarian hordes with you trusty firearms. If it was I hope you hoarded good french bread instead of Wonder-bread.

1. If its Wonder-bread cut slices into pieces of 8 until you have a boat load.
2. If its good bread cut it into 1 inch cubes
3. Whatever bread you use it must be really stale ( good for post apocalypse eating) or you have to dry it in the oven. Rubbing it with garlic either post oven (if fresh) or pre (if it's stale) is going to punch up the flavor.
4. Get a bunch of tomatoes. Different varieties will make the salad more interesting. If you are using one kind and they are beefsteaks remove the seeds and wet pulp or the salad will be soggy. If you are using grape or cherry tomatoes cut them or the salad will be dry.
5. Take a fresh cucumber, seed it and cut it into cubes. All ingredients to this point should be similar sized. Bet you wish you had read the whole recipe before you started don't you?
6. Dice a small onion, red if you can find a small one, a cippollini if you can't find red, or a yellow onion if you must.
7. Combine everything in a bowl, salt, combine again, add olive oil just to moisten, and refrigerate for 6 to 10 hours.
8. Take it out of the fridge at least an hour before you want to serve. You get way more flavor out of ingredients that aren't cold.
9. Add more stuff now, chopped parsley? Good! Chiffonade of basil? Better! A little crumbled bacon, Mmmm, bacon! Awesome! Small cubes of mozzarella? Sweet! All of it? Maybe with toasted pine-nuts and a sprinkle of balsamic vinegar? You Rock!
10. It's an all purpose salad. A summer take on the Stone soup recipe I tossed off last winter.

It's not just a way to eat though, it's a way to live. Start with a plan. If the plan works stick with it. If the plan goes off the rails remember that's what life is like and that's what plans do. You don't throw everything out. You don't pretend the plan is working when your guy is the cook and that the plan isn't working when some other guy is the cook. No, you make panzanella, serve it with stone soup, and thank the powers that be that the rain stopped.

How About Some Hope?

I know, I know, I know, last week I was mournful couldn't leave it alone debt ceiling guy. Well, forget that guy, this week I'm hopeful, enjoy the summer, corn's in and the worlds all right, had a great weekend, screw the earthquake, screw the hurricane, what me worry? Guy. Went to a wedding on Long Island this weekend. Weddings are awesome unless they're yours. If they're yours you're stressing out way to much to enjoy the moment. Like Christmas your own wedding is one long build-up to moment that, no matter how perfect, can't live up to the long build-up. Being a guest at a wedding is like Thanksgiving, you're surrounded by people you care about, there is plenty of food, nobody cares if you drink to much, and if you are really, really lucky there might be football. (I can name at least 2 weddings that had football, sweet!)

Saturdays wedding didn't have football, but it had a banjo player, lobster, free drinks, perfect weather, steak, did I mention the free drinks? a bus ride to the after party, fruit trees, a great setting, and of coarse the  pure joy of people in love.

The fruit trees would be to the left, the huge corn hedge to the right. Even I was impressed.

That's what you saw when you burst through the corn hedge. It was a perfect girlgasiam moment. (for the purpose of this blog a girlgasiam has nothing to do with sex, it is the moment that happens when reality and  magical expectations meet. For example; when a girl scout troop accidentally runs into Justin Bieber in a public place. That high keening sound that can sterilize frogs at 100 paces defines an actual girlgasiam. Older women don't make the sound but you can still see a girlgasiam on their face. Women seem to be more open with their emotions, more open to the possibility of magic, and more willing to display the combination of the two in public. Hence the girlgasiam. It is a very good thing, especially at a wedding).

I have to admit that field does sort of make you want to just roll around in the grass. I, being an old tight ass, refrained, but it made me feel good thinking about doing it. The ladies, all in cruel shoes so they would look good, shed their footwear at once to frolic in the grass. Oops! Remember fruit to the left, corn to the right, that means bees in the middle. Ouch! Even multiple stings couldn't ruin the party though. So after a day of drinking, bocce, croquet, and music there was steak, lobster, potato salad, snap peas, and corn salad. Wicked good corn salad.

Wicked good!

Now this was caterer corn salad. It was wicked good, but for your purposes hold off on the salad until you have already had the corn a different way. A while ago I told you how to roast corn. Well, we need to roast a mess of corn. Have a grill with one side on low heat. Arrange the coals so there is only indirect heat on one side of your grill or just turn off one side of the grill if you are using gas (Duh!) Load the low heat side of the grill with ears of corn. 4 minutes, quarter turn, 4 minutes, quarter turn, keep going until the corn is cooked with plenty of char on the kernels.

Mmmm Mexican grilled corn!

1. In a small bowl mix a couple of tablespoons of mayonnaise, a teaspoonful (or more if you'd like) of adobo sauce, salt and the juice of a lime.
2. Grate up a mess of cotija cheese ( a low moisture cheese from Mexico ). The flavor is similar to parmesan so don't go nuts looking for it unless you want to be obsessively authentic.
3. Spread a thin film of the dressing on the corn.
4. Roll the corn in the cheese.
5. Sprinkle the corn with finely chopped cilantro.
6. Go nuts but save some of the corn for tomorrows salad.

1. Take 5 or 6 ears of the corn you gorged on yesterday. Stand an ear on its' end and remove the kernels with a downward slice.
2. Dice a red onion fine.
3. Dice a halapeno fine ( remove the seeds and ribs if you are a heat sissy).
4. Cook two strips smokey bacon, Mmmm bacon! crisp. Crumble it up.
5. Take 1,2,3,4 and mix in a bowl.
6. In a separate bowl mix some corn oil, (not olive oil it will overwhelm the corn. If you don't have corn oil use canola or safflower oil.) lime juice, salt, pepper, and cilantro.
7. Combine with the corn mixture. Let it come up to room temperature before you serve.

By the time the sun had gone down everyone should have been done, but weddings seem to bring out the party in even the most staid individuals. Look! Dowager aunt Minerva is doing the hooky poky. Great food, multiple girlgasiams, free alcohol... who wants to go home? We didn't. So magically up comes a bus to whisk us off to the after party.

You can never go wrong with a townie bar.

Three dollar 16 ounce drafts in frosted mugs, Old Bay Chips, fooze ball, Red Sox on the tube, darts, and a bus load of women that had free cocktails all afternoon. Time for a guygasiam. No not me, you all know I keep an even keel, respect boundaries, don't take advantage of the drunk, and go home alone. I did grab me a bag of those chips though.

  You have to think the world is a great place where people can fall in love then combine that love with crab chips just so I can have a great weekend. I take the last three posts back. Life is great. Screw you hurricane. Screw you east coast earthquake. Life is good.

Debt Ceiling Part Tres

I was very hard on the Republicans in my last post. That's because they are bat-shit, destroy the village to save it, crazy people in thrall to our corporate masters. (That is of course hyperbole, there are no corporate masters, just people with a lot of money that want a lot more money) I'll give a shout out to our corporate masters though; they own both sides of the coin to the point that by financing the crazies (they also financed Obama, check the donor records from the last presidential campaign) they drive the debate, get mostly what they want, and keep the rest of us 2 steps behind reining things in.(except...?) How many bank CEO's ended up in jail after the last government bailout? What? The anti-government, anti-socialist CEO's loaded up on government handouts? Impossible! I'm shocked, shocked I say!



I know I am a bummer, but the truth is this has not been about Democrats and Republicans since Nixon was booted from office. It's about rich people and poor people. It's about the people that can twist the government to their will versus the rest of us. It's about the world we could live in vs the world we do live in. It's not about big government or small government, it's about effective government or incompetent government. Obama's financial team is a who's who of wall street. Clinton signed the bill that ended Glass-Stegall effectively setting the stage for the 2008 bank failure, and those surpluses he was running? An accounting trick where he borrowed the money from social security to make it look like he was doing better than he was. In the end it's not about our leaders, it's always, always, always, always about the person in the mirror.

A funny thing happened though on the way to the debt ceiling. The Tea Party? The grass roots group that was financed by big energy (the Koch brothers) and big finance (Mellon-Scaifa, he endorsed Hillary by the way) and big media (Rupert Murdoch a huge anti-communist?) Tried to do exactly what they said they would do. End the debt no matter what. More importantly they didn't care who got hurt. Real leadership and real change requires sacrifice. Big energy, big finance, and big media know this, are fine with this, just so long as the sacrifice doesn't come from big energy, big finance and big media. Oops!

The tea party was just supposed to F&*K-up Democrats, not us too!

It's kind of a bummer when you put big cash into face ripper monkey, you think you'll get to keep your giant tax cuts, and enjoy business as usual then suddenly you are on the coach and your forehead is being gnawed off. Which is what scares me the most. The people that are conspiring to rule the world don't know what they are doing as their stock portfolios will attest. They stick a hose into the tea party beehive to save on their taxes then get shellacked when the economy crashes. ( shellacked being a relative term here meaning "Oh no! I'll have to sell one of the jets).

I'm talking in circles here. That's because I am not taking sides I am merely pointing out the obvious. The problem with getting to good government is the problem of being reasonable. It takes a certain kind of person to flat out hate Walmart. It also takes a certain kind of person to tell a single mother of 3 that she should shop in a more expensive local store. It takes a certain kind of person to think the government is incompetent and should be starved out. It also takes a certain kind of person to believe that and to expect some one to show up when they call 911. Willfully blind is easy, but it will never fix what ails us.

Recipe's and Pop culture next week. No more preaching.

Debt Ceiling Part Deux

I got more responses to that last post than any four other posts combined. It taught me two things. One, for the last 30 years you have found me to be an amusing eccentric. Two, that somehow that last post tipped me over into conspiracy nut status. One I can live with; amusing eccentric does not play well with the ladies, the HR department, or most social organizations, but it has it's perks and I'm comfortable skipping the Friday night Hoo Ha to watch the Perceid meteor shower alone.

It happens every August, how many times have you seen it?

  I resent number two though. While I understand that conspiracies happen I find that most of the mayhem in this world is done right in front of our eyes without so much as a Jedi mind trick to explain why we missed it. If you have a massive debt, which we do, and you don't have the money to pay that debt, which is bad, you have to extend your credit limit or you default. Defaulting is only an option if you don't ever want to borrow money again, or you want to borrow money at a much higher interest rate, or you want the WTO and the World bank to mess with your internal affairs, or you want to tell large nuclear armed China to screw. Nobody with a brain wants to tell China to screw.

The republican party just played a game of chicken with our economy. They did it in full view of everyone. They did it knowing full well what would happen if no-one blinked. They did it on purpose. They did it for a free market ideology that has never existed in the real world. They did it to destroy the president and the democratic party.  Their ultimate goal is to unleash and deregulate business while ending the New Deal. Their ultimate goal is to create... I was going to say a subservient, work or die, labor force but that is not true. Capital knows no geographical boundaries while labor is yoked to family, friends, debt, children, culture... lots of things. Even if you could go to where the jobs are, to where the subservient, work or die, jobs are, you'll just be competing with the folks that are already there. So I guess we'll just stick with that deregulate , destroy the New Deal thing as their ultimate goal.

Damn it Fat Boy! More conspiracy nonsense. Not true. There are literally hundreds, nay thousands, of white papers written by the Cato Institute, the Heritage Foundation, The Project for a New American Century ( the folks that decided invading Iraqi was a good idea), The American Enterprise Institute, The Center for Security Policy and dozens of others that make no bones about how horrible the New Deal was, about how Medicare and Social Security are evil, about how the welfare state is destroying America. (Welfare, you could pay out all of it with the money the pentagon misplaces) Again, these groups are very open about what they believe if you just take the time to follow them.

You work more hours for less money than your parents did yet the meme even among the main stream media is that Americans are lazy and don't want to work. Your productivity is 20 times that of a similar Chinese or Indian worker yet they have your job and it's not coming back. You have a 401K instead of a pension. You know, you Know! that you're going to get less Social Security than you were promised. Verizion workers just went on strike because a company that just made excellent profits wants to cut their wages and benefits. The government has bailed out the free market airlines, the free market banks, the free market auto industry, the free market SNL's, the free market railroads, free market Lockheed, but not you. Welfare cheating is only bad if you try to scam an extra winter coat for your kids.

I may be an amusing eccentric but I do my homework and I'm not a conspiracy nut. If tweaking your perception of the world is a bad thing then I was born to be bad, sorry. The forces aligned against American workers are very real, very active, and very well funded. Patient, I forgot to mention patient, and relentless, I forgot to mention relentless. That's what evil does, it gets to work exactly 10 minutes after Happily Ever After and it stays on point until it wins. If we are going to stand a chance we have to take a step up on our own and get real information, not just what the media spoon-feeds us, which we will use to make real change, not Obama movie of the week change.



I miss my Sunday morning gospel hour. So here you go

Finally The Debt Ceiling.

So, I know everyone has been waiting with baited breath for me to comment on the debt ceiling clown show. You are all probably wondering why it took me this long to chime in. It was simple, summer is awesome, wading into a big pool of open sewage is not. The hysterics over the impending doom caused by the political wrangling over the debt ceiling exist mostly on the airwaves. Most of you have a vague feeling of unease resulting from said on air hysterics, but in general things are too abstract in theory and too hypothetical in practice for anyone to get really motivated. Oh no! our credit rating is down graded! Oh no the stock market is up, down, up, down (flip a coin)! Oh no millions are out of a job ( oh wait that's so 2008, 2001, 1988, 1980, 1974, 1969, 1960, 1949)! On no my 401K is shredded (oh wait that's so 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2002, 2001, 2000, 1998, 1997, 1992, 1989, 1987, 1980 wait a minute there were no 401s in 1980. Crap! my pension was shredded too!)! Oh no social security is broken beyond repair (oh wait that's so 2005, 1988, 1982)! Oh no manufacturing is going over seas (oh wait that's so 1995,1994, 1984, 1976, 1964)! Oh no the price of fuel is way too high (oh wait that's so 1990,1979, 1973, 1967)! Dumb-assess!

I'm not going to get mad at Obama. Mister middle of the road is about exactly what you would expect for some one in the middle of the road...

Was that a republican bus Mr President? Hands across the aisle feels good right?

I'm not going to get mad at the teabaggers...

You let the Monkey drive, what did you expect?

You can't get mad at elected officials for doing exactly what they said they were going to do. I think the tea party is over run with stupid, fearful pawns of corporate America, but that is only my opinion. After giving president road kill almost a full 2 years to fix the economy of coarse you, I said you, had to elect a pack of morons that think oversight of bankers and corporate boards is a sin against freedom. That raising taxes to raise revenue is a sin against freedom. That think free markets cure all ills. That think it would have been swell to live in the utopian year 1910.

Lucy!...who's wrecking the economy!

I'm not even going to get mad at hard working white people that do all the paying for spend thrift seniors, lazy welfare cheats ( are they black people? quick close your eyes... what do you see? Your minds eye must be right, right?), illegal aliens ( are they  hispanic people? quick close your eyes... what do you see? Your minds eye must be right, right?) Free abortions ( are they white trash, hispanic, black girls that live on welfare with their blood sucking grandma? quick close your eyes... what do you see? Your minds eye must be right, right? (the entire previous paragraph was sarcasm. I do not believe any of those things and I think you are a despicable moron if you do.)

The enemy of the economy is...

People that expect the social security they were promised.

Lazy workers that aren't as industrious as the Chinese+Indians

Pushy seniors that don't want to die in pain.

Shut up, Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! ...and thats the main stream media and the liberal talk shows throwing those groups under the bus. Giving rise to the complete misconception that the manufactured problems with those groups and the debt ceiling are so totally and permanently entwined that raising one without slashing the other would be irresponsible at best and likely criminal in the end.

For two weeks now we have heard endless drivel about the debt ceiling. Why is it bad? Because we have already spent the money. If we don't borrow we default. Screw you world we're not paying! Of coarse that's bad. Duh! Well we raised the ceiling and got down graded anyway. Of coarse we did. We just played chicken with the entire worlds economy. Screw you teabaggers, maybe your intentions are pure, but you have no right to force people to walk through the fire with you as an experiment. The stock market is fluctuating madly Oh my God! Oh my God! Stocks are for long term investors that have the money and time to wait out crisis. That is not you or your puny 401K dumb-ass! If you know how to count cards you can turn the odds at a black jack table in your favor, but you better have 30 or 40 thousand dollars to carry you until the inevitable odds advantage works for you. There are no such odds working in the stock market. Finally I would like to point out that Standard and Poor, the rating agency that just downgraded us, is the same agency that rated the credit default swaps that crashed the real estate markets a Triple A investment. Why do we listen to these people? Why do they run our lives?

Oh yeah, they have the guns.

Not Yet

I am itching to comment on our current fiscal debacle but I want to see a little more of how it plays out. When I start ripping on some folks I want to make sure I get everybody that is taking the bus over the cliff. Until then I will merely point out that it is still summer, the living is still easy, and local tomatoes are finally here in abundance. Mmmm tomatoes!. A week ago I lived the life of Riley at the Lowell Music Fest, but this weekend was devoted to tomatoes. Alone in my man cave, seduced by the siren call of fresh produce, in an epic bacchanal of consumption, I wallowed in BLTs for the entire weekend. Mmmm BLTs! There is no more perfect threesome in the kitchen.

First you must obtain tomatoes. Go to a farm stand because the tomatoes in the supermarket still come here from Mexico. Really? really America? There is an entire generation coming along that has never experienced the pleasure of a just picked tomato. Huge fruit bursting with juice that will give you a slice that will envelope an entire slice of toast. Buy them just as the redness of their flesh reaches eye popping brilliance and they are just a wee, I said just a wee, bit soft.

Juicy, juicy goodness. A gift from the sun.

Oversized beefsteaks are the only tomatoes to buy, but the other players... when your getting down with bad intentions the more variation, the larger number of partners, allows you to satisfy all your hidden desires. Come on, it's once a year, you've been sooooo... good. It's time to let your freak flag fly. Bacon, Mmmm bacon! isn't as straight forward as you might think.

The old stand by

You want to start slow. Good old American bacon. Salt cured, maybe smoked. For the intimidated you can fry it in a cast iron skillet, or if you want to get freaky you can bake it in a 450 degree oven. The baked stuff won't shrivel nearly as much as the fry pan bacon, Mmmm bacon! You can also add more flavor to the party using the oven method. Brush the bacon with teriyaki sauce, or honey, or maple syrup, or brown sugar. Sweet will add contrast. Once you've had a few sandwiches the old standard way  like the missionaries used to eat them you're  going to want to change things up. Deep inside everyone wants to change things up.

Yeah, it's still bacon.

The Irish, and the Canadians, like their bacon a little more ham like.

Still bacon

Of coarse the Italians have two kinds of bacon, pancetta which is standard pork belly that is salt cured and then rolled, sometimes with spices, sometimes not...

... or you could try guanciale. It's cured jowl meat. It's expensive as far as bacon goes, and it is so worth it. I am not usually a big fan of trendy expensive ingredients. I'll make an exception for guanciale. Mmmm guanciale! Cut it yourself. Thicker than bacon but not too thick. Then broil it. Careful, crispy is good, burnt is not.

Hidden Gems

Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'll get to the debt ceiling agreement, summer tomatoes, and my own self pitying rage at my previous employers and co-workers. Later. Right now I want to flap about the best thing you never did. Every July for the past twenty years they close off the streets of Lowell Massachusetts for the Lowell Folk Festival. Bad name that...  implies some sort of crunchy-granola love in for the birckenstocks crowd. What it is turns out to be a rolling street party that celebrates every kind of music you can not hear on the radio. How about this.

Pretty cool huh? Bet you never heard that one during morning drive time, or on satellite radio for that matter. Maybe you don't like it? So go for something more traditional.

Trampy woman with a smokey voice doing a song that you can dance to. It's Lady GaGa's Aunt from the Smithsonian. It was a beautiful Sunday last week so this old agnostic skipped the roadhouse for the lords house. I'm a sucker for a little harmony.

Praise whoever! Does it really matter when the sun is out, the air is clean and dry, the day is just rolling along outside of time and space and you have an ice cold beer in your hand? Hell no! Other stuff too. Every organization in Lowell shows up to make food.

Bolinhos: a fritter made from dried fish. Mmmm dried fish!

Cheese and Cabbage ravioli covered in bacon. Mmmm bacon! Poland Rocks!

Phyllo noodles baked then drenched in honey and rose water. Mmmm rose water!

How good is that on a hot day?

Enough, I was stuffed and it wasn't even 3 PM yet. Time to turn up the heat and do a little dancing. The dance tent and old ladies are an awesome combination. Start swaying a little bit do a little move to the music and suddenly you're dancing. Can I get an Amen for the old ladies! They never make that face at me, you know the one, like they just threw up in their mouth, or the other one where  they don't know whether to be amused of appalled by me. Psst... I prefer the throw up face. They just want to dance.

Dancing in the heat really drains you and those old ladies weren't backing off once they found a partner. I begged for them to stop, but they had years of thwarted dance moves in their systems, they were relentless. I had to divert them.

Once diverted by mellowness they went as slack as the strings on Ledward's guitar. It gave me a chance to sneak off  and eat more stuff.

Tons of smoky goodness.

If you're having Thai chicken you might as well have thai noodles.

As a society we spend most of our waking hours chasing money, spending money, worrying about money,working for money... but as a resident of this planet none of that compares to feeling the sun on your skin, the rhythm taking you away, or the moment of happy surprise when you bite into something wonderful that you have never tasted before. Nor does the sun or the music, or the food know your wallet, your status, or your wallet. They're the same for everyone. Lowell Folk Festival... no, Lowell Music Festival is definitely a hidden gem. Hope I see you next year.

Twilight is perfect. It's after, it's before. It's outside of time.