This is not about fried turkey.

So we were having fried turkey last night. Mmmm fried Turkey! Everyone was having a good time. The food was great. People were laughing, telling jokes, telling stories, arguing, just doing what friends do, when K suggested that her friend, and everyone for that matter, wants to find true love. If you want to ruin a party...



Now I'm not  big on discussing gender anything. A known misanthrope with obvious emotional issues I'm the last one to comment on the nature of love. For example I picked the Snow White clip mainly because the whole concept it portrays is destructive to the future happiness of every young girl that sees it. There are many number  other examples ...perhaps Cinderella hooker from "Pretty Woman" or maybe converting to slutdom from the end of "Grease". I might be a misogynist, but I wouldn't feed my kids, if I ever stopped  hating long enough to have some, fairy tale nonsense or destructive stereotypes if I could help it. But that's Hollywood love. It doesn't really answer the question. Doesn't everyone long for true love?

Well there's a problem here. What is "True Love"? If  by "True Love" you mean everyone has a soul mate that is born to be your other half you have already lost me, and since all you need is one person to say no to end the concept of "everyone agrees with this", this case is closed. That was easy except...

What if "True Love" isn't something you have, but something you get too? I posted this morning about pay-offs in life. What if true love is the end of your journey? Not that fade to black moment from the movies when your  journey together would normally start? That's the moment you're all-in, head over heels, can't bare to be apart, in love, right? That's true love, right?How about 2, 3, 5 years along, still young, still getting you some 5 times a week; that's true love, right? But then come kids, and mortgages, and aging parents, and accidents, and illness, and money issues, and money woes, and desire, and neglect and they're all in the future and they're all going to always be there, but they're not simple to deal with and they don't always have good outcomes. Whoa!

I don't know how love starts for women, hell I don't know how love starts for men, but since I am a man I can venture a guess for my peeps. You ladies aren't going to like it, but for most of us it starts as a carnival ride.

"Look Ma, no hands"

I am not proud of the fact that for most of my gender when we see a woman we are attracted to we are hardwired to want to climb on and go for a spin. Crude I know, but also true. Now how do you separate that feeling, which starts in your drawers but ends in your head, from your emotions, which start in your head and stay there. The answer is you can't if you are a well raised man, but it is no problem if you are a sociopath. Too many man are sociopaths; and I'm sorry ladies but I have no tips on how to avoid them other than take your time, make sure you are not the only one he treats well, and erase that prince charming bull from your DVD player right now. We aren't talking about sociopaths though we are talking about "True Love". Most men are not sociopaths, but they do have a case of the munchies for lady parts every bit as strong as a stoner has for oreos. Again crude but mostly true. Boy are we crude.

This is Where it Started.

People seem wonder how things got so out of control. Why is everyone so mean and short sighted all of a sudden? Maybe you just spent $100 (Really?) so your girl could get roses at her work("in your face co-workers')  place for Valentines Day ("Someone loves me spinster bitches. I got mine. Woohoo!" Girly fist pump!) Maybe you just came from a parent teacher meeting where a solemn pack of education experts (looking for easy solutions) just told you that your rambunctious 10 year old needs to be loaded up with adderall so he can learn like the other drugged up zombies in his class. Maybe you got laid off, crunched the numbers, and realized that there are worse things than being dead. Maybe you actually tried those recipes I gave you last week and you are going to need to scrape down the kitchen, just as soon as the smoke alarm stops going off (you could try muffling it with a chocolate covered pillow case.) Maybe... well it does seem like there is something wrong, even corrupt about our society. You know why? Because working hard and playing fair is for chumps, and it started right here.



The moment in popular culture when "The ends justify the means" went mainstream. If you are under 35 you don't even know how corrupt this is. The Duke would have never done this. Gary Cooper, not a chance! You young'uns don't even know how shocking this was at the time. It was a genuine surprise. Hell this film didn't come out until 1981. Maybe the 70's, disco, cocaine, and Nixon/Ford/Carter were enough to turn America's soul sour but suddenly the easy way was the smart way.

It's like Obama and Bonher. Got to do that federal budget or the whole country shuts down in March. What to cut? What to cut?...hmmmm.

If you are a democrat and push comes to shove you can certainly count on kicking your base in the teeth,  after all where are they going to go?

If you are a republican and push comes to shove you can certainly count on kicking your base in the teeth, after all where are they going to go?

What a pair. Speaking of pears we never cooked our pears from Monday.

                                             (Luigi Chiesa)

Big Finish!

I know it's late. You've been waiting for the big finish. Well here comes a climax that will blow you away.

                                                                (Neutrality)


Now don't try that at home. The love of your life would probably find that to be too much. Bigger isn't always better.

1. Grab the cream we bought yesterday. Put a cup in the pan with a teaspoon of instant coffee. Boil. 
2. Chop up an 8 once bar of bittersweet bakers chocolate. Chocolate chips will work, but you are a soulless philistine if you use them.
3. Put the chocolate in a bowl that will conduct heat. Glass or metal is best.
4. Pour the cream over top and let it perk. Then stir until smooth.
5. Place an array of fruit, pound cake squares, small cookies, whatever, artfully on a plate.
6. If you have a heating pad set it up in the middle of the bed. It will keep your chocolate from firming up. Hope you used the old sheets.
7. Lure your true love into the bedroom. A small trail of presents works best.
8. Use your imagination. If you don't end up throwing away the sheets you just missed a golden opportunity.

Big finish!