An Early Gift

So here we are. Christmas is back. Christmas is big. Christmas is bad and nation wide. (Which is cool for a ZZ Top lyric, but potential trouble for a holiday about Christianity) Christmas is so big it has its' own secular holiday called Black Friday that is so big it is trying to horn in on Thanksgiving. I'm not even sure who spawned their fierce love child, Cyber-Monday, but I'm betting that Amazon and Walmart were less than discreet at a National Chamber of Commerce Christmas party in the late 90's. You let two retail giants get all nogged up and there's no telling what might happen.

Must...get...50inch...flat screen!

Well, I'm not going to complain about that. I'm not going to complain about Benghazi. I'm not going to complain about right wingers complaining about Benghazi. I'm not going to complain about the fiscal cliff because if I'm going to complain about things that don't exist it'll be about land sharks, honest lawyers, and good tasting margarine. I'm not going to complain about "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" even though it isn't butter, Mmmm butter! I'm not going to complain about how stupid everyone is even though some of you are really stupid. I'm not going to complain about the filibuster, girl pop stars, global warming, the fact that Ben+Jerry make 41 overpriced flavors that are all somehow chocolate, the death of the bookstore, my love life, the fact that the Mayan calender and the world end in 2 weeks, the fact that people actually believe the world will end in 2 weeks, the fact that Boardwalk Empire both conflicted with The Walking Dead time slot and was kind of a mess without a plot. I'm not going to complain about the dearth of good home fries in our nations breakfast joints, I'm not going to complain about the end of the Twilight Saga or any part of the Twilight Saga.I'm not going to complain about the fact that Peter Jackson is making 3 (3! are you kidding me!) movies out of The Hobbit or  that in retrospect Dark Knight Rises was pretty dumb, or the fact that Beasts of the Southern Wild was a better movie than all of them combined even though technically it was only one step better than a flip book, blah, blah, blah...

Although someone should do something about those land sharks.

I'm not going to complain about any of those things because I got an early Christmas gift this year. The funny thing was the gift wasn't even for me but for my best friend from high school.Now most of you that know me know that while I play a jolly fat man in real life in my heart of hearts lives a jaded cynic who thinks that the human species is either hopelessly corrupt, willfully stupid, shamelessly narcissistic, or some combination of the above. This works for me. I get to be smug, I don't have to try, and I can put all of my emotions and beliefs on lay-a-way.

54 years and counting.

Duh! Wrong again! I was down Sunday morning visiting M+D. I've known both of them for 40 years, M longer than that. I was an usher at their wedding which explains why they can't show their wedding pictures to anyone that actually likes weddings. I have been going by their house with coffee on random Sunday mornings since Reagan was president. Me and M were BFFs since before there was such a thing as BFFs.

That's me on the right.

So  we were having conversation. No, we were not conversing, we were having conversation. Big heaping helpings of give and take about whatever subject happened to pop up. It is one of the things I truly look forward to in my life. Not talking, not pontificating, not flapping, certainly not rag time, and spare me the gossip, no I want, crave, conversation. I want to be wrong, I want to look at things in a new light, I want to have my ideas tested, I want to laugh and I want to come away a smarter person. We aren't the Algonquin Round Table, but we can hold our own.

... just like this except in jammies and sweat pants,

Now at one point the conversation turned to "bucket lists". I'm against bucket lists for the same reason I'm against so many other things in our society  because I'm a crank , because it's always about sky diving or flying to Paris for brunch or sky diving to Paris for brunch. In other words a to do list for all the people that put unreasonable expectations into their on-line dating profiles, got married anyway, then realized that you have to have plenty of free time, be rich and be an excellent athlete if you are going to sky dive to brunch in Paris. Climbing Everest is so passe! Of course after you hit 50 and the kids are gone you will have money to burn  and a rocking physique so turn those thwarted dreams into a bucket list. It's never too late to over indulge yourself or triple you carbon footprint or ditch family for empty thrills. Hell! You're getting old so do all three. I myself plan on bathing in chocolate ganache while entertaining twin 20 year old playmates.

Hey, I'm kind of a loser, the best I could do was fraternal twins.

I was all warmed up to take the whole conversation to new levels of absurdity and excess. Of course my world view is correct, of course people are self indulgent narcissists, so therefore Bucket Lists are about spoiled middle-class Americans quantifying their meaningless lives with expensive "Hey look at me" stunts. Then D threw a monkey wrench into my whole rant. Her bucket list was for her and M to get an RV so they could see the country. That backed me up right there; Bucket Lists, Hell, self-indulgence, isn't supposed to include other people. It's supposed to be about me, me, me. I looked at M but he just shrugged and smiled. I pressed, "Well, what else is on your list?". D seemed confused. Apparently that was the whole list. M piped in " I'd still like to build a smelter". For some reason not even D can fathom M has always wanted to make his own iron, an affectation for which I have seriously goofed on him over the years. So, traveling as a couple in a way that is more about freedom than comfort, and learning to make iron, that's the bucket list. All my preconceptions crushed in one fell swoop.

Some people just know how to party.

The conversation just flowed on from there, the morning got late, we solved the worlds problems, and finally it was time to go off and do chores. It wasn't until I got in my car and thought about the Bucket list one more time that I realized that D had really shattered my world view. I'm a guy so I find the whole "True Love" thing uncomfortable to talk about and the years have not been kind so somewhere in there my world view shifted to the idea that the whole love thing was a kind of myth started by out of control body chemistry then perpetuated by financial and social necessity i.e. it was merely a pretty label for some biological and social conventions. But D included in her bucket... No, D didn't have a bucket list without M. After 30+ years together she wanted more. I have convinced myself I can't stand anyone for more than 4 or 5 hours yet D had had a lifetime and wanted more. Even more important it was as natural to her as wanting more air. She wasn't putting on a show of love she was just in love. With the same guy. For 30+ years. WTF!

When I got home I googled Bucket List+RV. You will get thousands of hits for sites that pander to the hearts and flowers crowd. Thousands of sites for people that could no more think of going on a journey without their partner than they could think of leaving their left arm behind. It was my moment of Zen; love is real and it is part of the everyday fabric of out lives.  More importantly to really see it you need to strip away the bombast and showmanship that is our cultural legacy and wait for the quit moments when the truth is just another part of the conversation, when the love exists outside of any talk or thought of love. When you are walking along, or working, or having a conversation and you think "look there's a dog","look there's a sunset", "look there's love". I was sitting at the computer when I realized that I was misting up...

What the hell! Wrong for 40 years, so what!

That's better!

It's a funny thing about the gifts we get. They don't always make us happy but being happy isn't as important as we think. Nor do we always see them coming, but they show up just the same. When they do show up embrace the truth, the biggest lies we construct for ourselves aren't as important as the smallest truths.

Mele Kalikimaka!

Disclaimer: If you read this, tricked your significant other into making a bucket list as a test, and they didn't include you for their last hurrah you as naturally as breathing do not despair. Discovering that love exists is awesome, but that doesn't mean it is going to be easy to see. Just watch out for the fake stuff and if in an unguarded moment the real thing manifests itself in this sometimes cruel world don't get weepy about it. High five yourself and feel great for the rest of the day.