An Early Gift

So here we are. Christmas is back. Christmas is big. Christmas is bad and nation wide. (Which is cool for a ZZ Top lyric, but potential trouble for a holiday about Christianity) Christmas is so big it has its' own secular holiday called Black Friday that is so big it is trying to horn in on Thanksgiving. I'm not even sure who spawned their fierce love child, Cyber-Monday, but I'm betting that Amazon and Walmart were less than discreet at a National Chamber of Commerce Christmas party in the late 90's. You let two retail giants get all nogged up and there's no telling what might happen.

Must...get...50inch...flat screen!

Well, I'm not going to complain about that. I'm not going to complain about Benghazi. I'm not going to complain about right wingers complaining about Benghazi. I'm not going to complain about the fiscal cliff because if I'm going to complain about things that don't exist it'll be about land sharks, honest lawyers, and good tasting margarine. I'm not going to complain about "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" even though it isn't butter, Mmmm butter! I'm not going to complain about how stupid everyone is even though some of you are really stupid. I'm not going to complain about the filibuster, girl pop stars, global warming, the fact that Ben+Jerry make 41 overpriced flavors that are all somehow chocolate, the death of the bookstore, my love life, the fact that the Mayan calender and the world end in 2 weeks, the fact that people actually believe the world will end in 2 weeks, the fact that Boardwalk Empire both conflicted with The Walking Dead time slot and was kind of a mess without a plot. I'm not going to complain about the dearth of good home fries in our nations breakfast joints, I'm not going to complain about the end of the Twilight Saga or any part of the Twilight Saga.I'm not going to complain about the fact that Peter Jackson is making 3 (3! are you kidding me!) movies out of The Hobbit or  that in retrospect Dark Knight Rises was pretty dumb, or the fact that Beasts of the Southern Wild was a better movie than all of them combined even though technically it was only one step better than a flip book, blah, blah, blah...

Although someone should do something about those land sharks.

I'm not going to complain about any of those things because I got an early Christmas gift this year. The funny thing was the gift wasn't even for me but for my best friend from high school.Now most of you that know me know that while I play a jolly fat man in real life in my heart of hearts lives a jaded cynic who thinks that the human species is either hopelessly corrupt, willfully stupid, shamelessly narcissistic, or some combination of the above. This works for me. I get to be smug, I don't have to try, and I can put all of my emotions and beliefs on lay-a-way.

54 years and counting.

Duh! Wrong again! I was down Sunday morning visiting M+D. I've known both of them for 40 years, M longer than that. I was an usher at their wedding which explains why they can't show their wedding pictures to anyone that actually likes weddings. I have been going by their house with coffee on random Sunday mornings since Reagan was president. Me and M were BFFs since before there was such a thing as BFFs.

That's me on the right.

So  we were having conversation. No, we were not conversing, we were having conversation. Big heaping helpings of give and take about whatever subject happened to pop up. It is one of the things I truly look forward to in my life. Not talking, not pontificating, not flapping, certainly not rag time, and spare me the gossip, no I want, crave, conversation. I want to be wrong, I want to look at things in a new light, I want to have my ideas tested, I want to laugh and I want to come away a smarter person. We aren't the Algonquin Round Table, but we can hold our own.

... just like this except in jammies and sweat pants,

Now at one point the conversation turned to "bucket lists". I'm against bucket lists for the same reason I'm against so many other things in our society  because I'm a crank , because it's always about sky diving or flying to Paris for brunch or sky diving to Paris for brunch. In other words a to do list for all the people that put unreasonable expectations into their on-line dating profiles, got married anyway, then realized that you have to have plenty of free time, be rich and be an excellent athlete if you are going to sky dive to brunch in Paris. Climbing Everest is so passe! Of course after you hit 50 and the kids are gone you will have money to burn  and a rocking physique so turn those thwarted dreams into a bucket list. It's never too late to over indulge yourself or triple you carbon footprint or ditch family for empty thrills. Hell! You're getting old so do all three. I myself plan on bathing in chocolate ganache while entertaining twin 20 year old playmates.

Hey, I'm kind of a loser, the best I could do was fraternal twins.

I was all warmed up to take the whole conversation to new levels of absurdity and excess. Of course my world view is correct, of course people are self indulgent narcissists, so therefore Bucket Lists are about spoiled middle-class Americans quantifying their meaningless lives with expensive "Hey look at me" stunts. Then D threw a monkey wrench into my whole rant. Her bucket list was for her and M to get an RV so they could see the country. That backed me up right there; Bucket Lists, Hell, self-indulgence, isn't supposed to include other people. It's supposed to be about me, me, me. I looked at M but he just shrugged and smiled. I pressed, "Well, what else is on your list?". D seemed confused. Apparently that was the whole list. M piped in " I'd still like to build a smelter". For some reason not even D can fathom M has always wanted to make his own iron, an affectation for which I have seriously goofed on him over the years. So, traveling as a couple in a way that is more about freedom than comfort, and learning to make iron, that's the bucket list. All my preconceptions crushed in one fell swoop.

Some people just know how to party.

The conversation just flowed on from there, the morning got late, we solved the worlds problems, and finally it was time to go off and do chores. It wasn't until I got in my car and thought about the Bucket list one more time that I realized that D had really shattered my world view. I'm a guy so I find the whole "True Love" thing uncomfortable to talk about and the years have not been kind so somewhere in there my world view shifted to the idea that the whole love thing was a kind of myth started by out of control body chemistry then perpetuated by financial and social necessity i.e. it was merely a pretty label for some biological and social conventions. But D included in her bucket... No, D didn't have a bucket list without M. After 30+ years together she wanted more. I have convinced myself I can't stand anyone for more than 4 or 5 hours yet D had had a lifetime and wanted more. Even more important it was as natural to her as wanting more air. She wasn't putting on a show of love she was just in love. With the same guy. For 30+ years. WTF!

When I got home I googled Bucket List+RV. You will get thousands of hits for sites that pander to the hearts and flowers crowd. Thousands of sites for people that could no more think of going on a journey without their partner than they could think of leaving their left arm behind. It was my moment of Zen; love is real and it is part of the everyday fabric of out lives.  More importantly to really see it you need to strip away the bombast and showmanship that is our cultural legacy and wait for the quit moments when the truth is just another part of the conversation, when the love exists outside of any talk or thought of love. When you are walking along, or working, or having a conversation and you think "look there's a dog","look there's a sunset", "look there's love". I was sitting at the computer when I realized that I was misting up...

What the hell! Wrong for 40 years, so what!

That's better!

It's a funny thing about the gifts we get. They don't always make us happy but being happy isn't as important as we think. Nor do we always see them coming, but they show up just the same. When they do show up embrace the truth, the biggest lies we construct for ourselves aren't as important as the smallest truths.

Mele Kalikimaka!

Disclaimer: If you read this, tricked your significant other into making a bucket list as a test, and they didn't include you for their last hurrah you as naturally as breathing do not despair. Discovering that love exists is awesome, but that doesn't mean it is going to be easy to see. Just watch out for the fake stuff and if in an unguarded moment the real thing manifests itself in this sometimes cruel world don't get weepy about it. High five yourself and feel great for the rest of the day.

Coming Home

Thanksgiving! HooHaa! If there is a holiday that feels more like home you could have fooled me. Christmas? Maybe if you are a Kardasian and narcissistic consumption is your religion. July 4? It's hard to go wrong with cookouts and bombs, but the nationalism can be a little more 3rd Reich than Bob Vila. (Does anyone remember Bob Vila?) Easter? Torture, death, zombies, and chocolate eggs, it's sort of like my family gatherings but I'm looking for something a little warmer. New Years? No day that involves puking need apply. Valentines? Ditto ( does anyone remember ditto machines?) for any day that bums out as many people as it makes happy. Nope Thanksgiving is the best.

Thanksgiving! Heehaw!

We need thanksgiving, because we need "Home". Sore loser Republicans are right, "It's not your grandpa's, Hell, it's not your pa's America anymore." I find this mostly a good thing; no need to bring back racism, sexism, the cold war... I could go on but you get my point. But the new America comes with its' own set of problems. Nothing feels like home anymore. On the job front you are averaging 13.3 jobs over your lifetime . As far as residences go the number is around 16. At these rates can you even recognize the woman sitting across from you at the breakfast table? I'm not even going to mention your 600 friends on facebook because nobody has 600 real friends. You have nothing anchoring you to a place, you bop around more than an aborigine during a drought, and you are backed up with "friends" that you wouldn't recognize if they were sitting next to you. That's not home, thats a Dali painting.

Although it does remind me of my 9th birthday party.

When I was a wee lad my Dad was a high school principal, but not in the town where we lived. Every Thanksgiving he would take me to the football game and we would watch the action from a school window. At half time we would go down to the field, mingle with the crowd, have a hot dog, but while the game was going on it was just me and Dad. I didn't get much one on one time with the old boy as a kid, there were 3 other brothers to compete with and a whole school full of youths that required his attention, but if I close my eyes and just breath my mind can conjure up every way those Thanksgivings felt. It felt like home. Too bad I got older and wanted to go to my hometown Thanksgiving games. He was waiting in the car when I told him I was going with the guys. He was cool, and a few years later he came to watch me (every game for 4 years) when I played myself, but that was really the last time me and Pop had something that was just for the 2 of us. Time flies, the world changes.

A million years later I was doing political work with a friend of mine when he introduced me to a bunch of younger, hopelessly progressive, not yet cynical group of democrats. One of them lived with a bunch of other late 20s post grads in a big rambling house in Somerville. They called it the Wilfred because that was what was printed on the doorknobs. The first thing you noticed was that the whole place smelled of books. I liked everyone well enough but I tend to be a rules guy and it seemed like I was too old to just hang there. Didn't want to be the creepy old guy. Well it turns out that the place had been a revolving group home for young adults for 20 years and every year they cooked a turkey and had a pot-luck and partied like it was 1968. I was persuaded to show up for parts 1 and 2 with the intention of leaving the partying to the young-uns. Turns out that no-one knew how to make gravy, or fix the kitchen lamp (I didn't either but it got me involved), or control my friend who was also too old but definitely not a rules guy.

Great meal!

So I made gravy, took a shot at the lamp, kept P from running amok and had a really great time. I went there for 4 more Thanksgivings until Tufts bought the place, kicked everyone out, and gutted it for housing. Everyone scattered literally across the globe, but it turns out the only rule about age was in my head, so if I close my eyes and just breath my mind can taste the gravy, smell the books and conjure up every way those Thanksgivings felt. It felt like home.

There are other things that make me feel that way. There was Rolling Green, The 466, Harwich house, Mark's, Meadow Ln, Oscar's, Mad River... many places, many circumstances, but always that sense that there is a place where you belong in this world. If modern times denies us one definitive spot in geographic space hadn't we better embrace the home that we can carry with us, that pops up in our path? When a pot luck comes your way go with it. We all need as much home as we can get.

Now when you get invited to a pot luck if you are the new kid you are probably going to get stuck bringing a vegetable. Face it, the host is going to be all about the meat, dessert is too important to leave to chance, nobody knows how to cook anymore so everybody will be backed up with salad,  vegetables it is. Now the important thing to remember about vegetables is that people don't really like them, but with a little thought you can make veggies taste great while removing all that nasty nutritional value.

It even looks like dessert.

Now if you are a punk you can just make the version from the Campbell's cream of mushroom soap can. People will eat it, some of those less fortunate than you will actually jones for it, but you are trying to create a "Home" moment and pre-made slop, no matter how tasty, does not say home. Put a little effort into it. Part of what gives things that extra edge that says "home" is effort.

1. Start by blanching a couple of fistfuls of fresh green beans. You know the drill if you have been reading this blog. Clean the beans, boil for 3 minutes, plunge into cold water to stop the cooking. Are they a vivid green with a nice snap to them? Good job!
2. Clean and slice a package of button mushrooms. Fry them in butter, Mmmm butter! (2 tablespoons full) until they give up their liquid and start to brown. Remove them to a bowl.
3. Cut a large onion in half then slice thin. Fry the onion in 2 tablespoons full of butter, Mmmm butter! until they turn golden.
4. Add some minced garlic, 2 or 3 cloves, fry for 30 seconds.
5. If things are looking dry add 2 more tablespoons of butter, Mmmm butter! and when it melts 2 tablespoons of flour.
6. Work it in the pan for at least 2 minutes to get the raw taste out of the flour.
7. Add whole mile, 1/2 and 1/2 would be better, stirring the whole while. Get it to a gravy consistency or the second cook will make it gummy. Gummy is always a bad idea.
8. Add the mushrooms and stir.
9. Add a serious pinch of salt+ other flavor enhancers. Soy sauce? Worcestershire? Noc ma? Tabasco? Sirracha? Go nuts.
10. Add a tablespoon full of chopped fresh thyme and stir.
11. Add the green beans. Mix well then find an attractive casserole that will hold the whole mess. Butter it, Mmmm butter! then add the beans.
12. Cover with foil and bake in a 350 degree oven for 30 minutes.
13. Now Funonions in a can are just fine, but what would be better is if you know a restaurant that makes good onion rings. Buy an order while you are transferring the cool casserole to your pot luck home activity. 
14. You have to reheat this bad boy so check with your host then pop it into a 350 oven after you spread the onion rings over the top.
15. When the onions are brown and the rest is bubbly pull it out of the oven. Unlike mashed potatoes this stuff will taste good even if it is not screaming hot so don't sweat it if people don't start eating right away.
16. High-five your new family.

Election Day

So after all the shouting, all the lying, all the promises, and all the money wasted election 2012 is finally upon us. WooHoo! This was easily the most divisive election since... since... since... the last one? Fine, well it is definitely the most important election... until... until... until... the next one? Damn you reality, always messing with our common knowledge. Still, this election minus the hyperbole deserves your attention. There are very real differences between the candidates. Mitt Romney ran as a right wing ideologue, but is really a corporate owned centrist. Obama has presented himself as a leftist healer but is really a corporate owned centrist. Amusingly being a corporate lackey still leaves a lot of play in the tone and reality of running the government so the two candidates  provide a clear voting choice to everyone but the 5 morons in Ohio that still can't make up their minds. So what if the difference between democrats and republicans is that democrats let poor people in on the stealing. It's still a major difference.  Good for those Ohio folks or this thing would just be a formality and all that media frenzy would be back on Snookie or Honey Boo boo.

The funny thing is that when this thing is over approximately 50% of Americans will believe that order has been restored and we will return to being the utopia we were when back viewed with rose colored glasses. The other 49% (got to factor out those 5 people in Ohio) will be sure that the only right thing to do is flee the coming demon apocalypse for some other place that they glimpsed with rose colored glasses.

...and everyone gets a pet monkey!

At least for one day everybody in the country is going to be wrong. Yeah, common ground! Don't mistake my point though. Choosing between Barack and Mitt is going to affect your daily life in hundreds, maybe thousands, of ways. Planning on a bacchanal of a retirement fueled by all that social security cash you have coming? See who's going to cut the most out of the program. Taking your sick kid to the emergency room? Will that be one option of many or a last desperate rush ahead of the Grim Reaper? Will you be making your own decisions about your lady parts or will the government be doing that for you? (careful, the anti-government party says I am using trick questions) Will you be making your own decisions about love and marriage or will the government be doing that for you? (careful, the anti-government party says I am using trick questions) Will the targeted executions of people we don't like in countries we are not at war with continue or... wait, that's one they both agree on. Will banks continue to be allowed to play roulette with your money or will they be allowed to play roulette with your money while getting stern looks from various regulating bodies? See, all kinds of real differences. So vote the difference but give up on the miracle results because most of the problems are about me and you.

Plain bellied loser!

We love to think we are special when what we really are is unique. Special is, "Hey universe! Look at me! Save your random cruelty for a lesser being. I am after all, special!". Unique is, " Breaking Dawn? of coarse Love, I'll still owe you 2 choices for the 3 times we saw Avengers." Every single American, every single resident of this globe, perhaps every sentient being in this universe is a unique combination of knowledge, experience, and desire that deserves the right to exercise their uniqueness as long as they don't cause harm to others (actual harm, not imagined harm fringe lunatics!). On the other hand every single American that thinks they are special because of their moral choices, taste, skin color, status, fame, wealth, education, background, etc, etc, etc is a narcissistic sociopath who diminishes themselves and makes the road forward more of a slog... and speaking of slogs...

...because I am the 1%

How are we going to fix the country if we like to think you can earn the right to be a dick!  Too many of us do. Even if we let you call yourselves "job creators" instead of "rich assholes" that really doesn't come with any bragging rights. For the foreseeable future, and despite wall streets experiments at eliminating this step, creating jobs is a necessary component of becoming wealthy. The more jobs created the more wealth created. You are not doing the rest of us a favor you self important jackass! Creating jobs is a generally  karma neutral situation that does not in debt us to you, free you from any social contract with your fellow citizens, or shield you from our right to negotiate for a bigger piece of that created wealth. The vast majority of us  have been  good employees and good citizens. Rich people owe us more than a paycheck. A little gratitude for helping you build stuff to start and we can work from there.   Why a bigger chunk of the 99% don't understand this mystifies me everyday.

1 state, 2 state, red state, blue state.

Of course if we are going to have a better tomorrow we are going to have to like the truth more than being right. When we don't like something we don't want negotiation or compromise we want something done about it. By rule of law if possible, by blunt force trauma if necessary. Mmmm! blunt force trauma! The other guy is always going to be the thug even if he is offering you free ice cream. "Free ice cream! Damn you! Don't you care about the obesity epidemic in this country? First it's a little free ice cream, then slowly everyday it's your birthday, until suddenly everyone is riding around on a pony and they're sick from too much candy whether they wanted to eat it or not. You bastard!" Free ice cream my ass! Note: both parties like to pay in ice cream since living wages, a future for our kids, and a comfortable retirement seem like pipe dreams.

Cut defense spending? Why, whatever for?

George McGovern died last month. He was a progressive liberal that served his country well in WW2. He was the first presidential candidate that I ever worked for. ( sadly Carter's was the first election I could vote in and despite his Nobel Prize Carter was no George McGovern). Why do I bring this up? Because when you folks get scared you want to kill some shit. Even lefty Senators like the late Teddy K who routinely voted against wars did not vote against war appropriations. 90% of you were behind Bush when he decided to blow up Iraq. At least 100,000 people died because you were scared. Now almost ten years late, and depending on what day of the week it is,  Mitt is banging the war drums for Iran while Obama is drone killing wedding parties in Afghanistan. The only peace politicians left are dudes like Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul but it's hard to get traction in a general election when you are wearing a tin foil hat.  When you ever get serious about peace, and I am definitely talking to you collage kids and soccer moms as well as belligerent white males, maybe real change can happen. Rest in peace George.

The American dream for everyone, what could go wrong?

Even progressives in this country think that everyone, even in other countries, should be able to pursue the American dream. I will not be the one to say they shouldn't with one caveat. Unless we plan on some sort of technology breakthrough to produce exponentially more clean energy while simultaneously removing the waste, or severely redefineing what constitutes the American dream we will burn this planet to a crisp. Mmmm crisp! We are not serious about either of these choices. Republicans just put their hands in their ears, go La la la la la la, and wait for free markets to save the day. Democrats push for new technologies but drive home in their SUVs without addressing the consumerism, waste, and consumption that got us into our current state of affairs. Having more stuff = having a better life? No, just no. That's what corporations feed us and that is what we have been buying. I call shenanigans.

Monsanto says, "Trust us, it's just fine".

They feed us more than that. Think tanks find some dimwitted town that requires bike helmets for dogs.  PR firms make sure that information gets into the " all government is bad" narrative on talk radio and Fox news. Mainstream media outlets fearful that they will lose even more customers report the story as a referendum on government instead of as an amusing aside about a town full of dopes. Anti-regulation politicians rev up their constituents to elect them to office. Then a year later nothings changed in the dog helmet town, but the banks can still sell unregulated derivatives, Con Agra can genetically modify your food without telling you, Monsanto can spray Roundup next to your water supply, Weyerhaeuser and Plum Creek can clear cut the entire northwest, your pension can be funded by worthless credit default swaps... blah, blah, blah at least you won't have to buy a helmet for your dog.

No, not a 1%

You're tired, you're angry, you work hard every day, you play by the rules. You also made your own bed. You don't run for office, you don't read up on what the government is doing, you think that rich bastards that tool on you for 47 minutes will make your life better, you have a huge problem with government over-reach on health care but no problem with Guantanamo, domestic surveillance, and drone strikes in neutral countries, and you love, love, love buying stuff. Well you're getting played because you think being right and holding on to yours is more important that the solutions to our problems.

We're not done yet!

Vote Tuesday, support the status quo, but talk to your neighbors. With very few exceptions most people know that killing and cruelty are wrong, that anybody that says "Just trust me" doesn't deserve to be trusted, that the people that write your paycheck owe you a little more than just the cash they pay you, that it's wrong to deny access to health care to people that need it, that women... in fact everyone has a right to make their ownn decisions about their own bodies, that we don't need small government we need good government... I could go on but it would just be an ever growing list of things we almost all agree on. They have the money and the guns but if we stand together instead of joining tribes we have the power. No government has ever stood without the tacit consent of it's people, none. So what did you do when things went bad?

12,000 Page Views!

Gee, I took a little summer Hi8tus and suddenly I hit 12,000 page views. No bragging though, since a Giff of 2  kittens picking each others nose will literally get millions of page views in a week.  -No! I will not post a nose picking link. If I do most of you will be out of here right now without finishing this post-. Still, if I close my eyes and hold my breath and pinch off my nostrils and ignore all evidence to the contrary, just before I slump over unconscious I feel like I have important things to say. When I come to I ignore the nose bleed and the ruptured capillaries in my eyes and carry on.

Oh, I am impressed with me, yes I am!

So what has been going on while I was lounging around trying to enjoy the summer? What? Egypt elected the Muslim brotherhood to run the government but fortunately, fortunately?, the military is still running the country instead (that's called a coup in the dictionary). Syria continues to slaughter their own people despite some hard core "tut tuts" from the international community. I'm also pretty sure that every email we send there ends with :( you'd think they would get the message . Mitt Romney wants to blow up some crap in Iran. It might be because Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu said we should, but I just think Mitt wants his very own war if he wins the presidency. W had 2 wars. Then Obama has been making due with one of W's thread bare used wars, he's such a democrat... lets face it, Mitt wants the best for himself. After a disaster and a mindless quagmire (over 100,000 total deaths in Iraq, over 3000 coalition deaths in Afganistan and still counting) Mitt needs a shiny new war he can call his own.  Then there was the terrorist attack on our embassy in Libya. At first we thought it was because of something stupid like an offensive video tape about Islam, but then we found out it was a preplanned terrorist attack instead. Looking good Middle East, doing things because you're evil is always more impressive than doing things because you're  stupid. You go revolutionaries! Middle East! Middle East!

On this side of the ocean the Supreme Court upheld Obama care with good justice Roberts ( surprise, surprise, surprise) casting the deciding vote. Poor judge Scalia of the pithy comparisons, will they be forcing us to buy broccoli next? No, they will be taxing us if we don't buy broccoli. See? It's different. Isn't it cool the way law works? Speaking of the law our last major military appropriations bill, the NDAA, had provisions in it that allows indefinite internment for Americans suspected of being terrorists. No trial, no lawyer, no habius corpus. No problem.  Even though Barack though it sounded a little unconstitutional ( because it totally is) he signed it anyway. Got to feed the troops, NDAA is an appropriations bill, and  the Prez gets some cool dictator powers?... Oh, well.  NDAA, Gitmo, and drone strikes Oh my! We're not in America anymore Dorothy. New world order! New world order!


Jerry Sandusky got the 30 to 60 years he deserved, but what about everyone else? It turned out that everybody but the cheerleaders at Penn State knew what Jerry Sandusky was doing for the last 15 years! So along with the Catholic Church, the Congress of the United States, The President, the Democratic Party, the Republican Party, Wall Street, the Supreme Court, every presidential candidate since 1980, an elite University has let you down. Thank god we have a rigorous free press to count on. You know the 4th estate wouldn't turn a senseless atrocity into a chance to bloviate for 2 or 3 weeks about... What? oops! sorry.

One evil/sad crazy person+ 100 round semi-automatic weapons. What could go wrong? 

Is it any wonder everyone just wants to party?

The Red Sox started slow... flirted with mediocrity?... traded the bad apples?... then stunk up the rest of the season? Who cares? If you are a Boston sports fan you have been wallowing in an abundance of riches. Time to let the other kids have some fun too. There is always hockey...oops!

 Kudos for the births in the small circle of people that tolerate me. Yeah births! Kids are awesome as long as they belong to other people. That way you have all kinds of reasons to party; births, christenings, birthday parties, graduations, weddings, blah, blah, blah, but you get to leave whenever you want and the kids stay behind. Woo Hoo! Of coarse trying to get your friends out of the house to party solo becomes problematic. They refuse (mostly) to use the duct tape option out of some misguided sense of decency or love for the child, but finding a quality masochist sitter to watch their little squalling mucus machines isn't always easy. 

Somehow I did manage to do a little partying these past few months. There was the Irish festival in Canton, there was a tasty Blues fest in Gloucester, A sweet little jazz fest in Portsmouth NH, and old standbys Lowell Folk Fest, Newport Folk Fest, and Newport Jazz Fest. I love me a fest. I even OD ed on crustaceans at the Rockland ME lobster festival. Good enough, but even nature helped me chill out this summer.

The best stuff is ofter what you miss.

Big sun spot activity this summer. So big that you were supposed to be able to see the Aurora Borialis down here in the USA. I saw them once up by Hudson Bay during my youth, but that was almost 30 years ago. So the night of August 8th found me in my trusty beach chair out at the end of Plum Island waiting for the big show. It was dark, the sky was loaded with stars, I had frosty adult beverages ready and absolutely nothing happened. Nothing but I got to be alone with myself for a change. No people, no diversions, no pressing matters.  Once you are out at the end of the island you are locked in until dawn, sweet. While I observed I though, then I though some more. I just let my mind wander off  on its' own. Let it run free for a change, let your mind run free! It's an awesome thing to do, as long as you aren't afraid of where it goes. I thought about unified field theory, I thought about  women, I thought about god, I thought about what god thought about women, I thought about what if god was a woman, I though about the way the world works, I thought about the nature of reality, for a brief moment I thought about space people, rock+roll, and green energy.  Finally it was morning, I saw no Aurora, and I was thinking mostly about breakfast. (seafood hash at Maggie's). I though about not getting what you want but getting what you need. Stones rule! No Aurora, no problem.

Less than a week later I was back at the beach with my chair and more beverages waiting on the Perseid meteor shower. Jackpot! At about 3 AM, after a slow start, pop! pop! pop! they started zipping by every couple of minutes. Bang zoom baby! mother nature was putting on a show.

Insert Disney theme music here.

I'm not a big outdoors man, I don't like bugs, dirt, camping, or being cold, but Wow! light up the night sky, or find yourself a spot that gives you the illusion of being one with nature - did he just say, "one with nature."? - and you will have just about the best high in the history of highs. Alcohol, drugs, or glitter covered strippers will be forever ruined for you... and it will be better than worth it. ( in the interests of sexual equality you my insert -well oiled cabana boy - for stripper in that last sentence. If you are gay go with both or neither I don't really care. Actually shouldn't "stripper" work for everyone?) I'm just saying.

Other stuff happened this summer. Dinner with friends, lots of work, beers at the ale house, a couple of trips to see Mom, fish chowder at the Causeway, my brothers birthday party in CT, "Breaking Bad" the last season, the most unpleasant political campaign since the other ones, breakfast with my nephew... man it just goes on and on. How about the restored version of -Casablanca-? On the big screen? With hot popcorn and an theater full of fans? Wow! I can think of tons of things I could legitimately complain about, I'm sure you could too, after all a stubbed toe still hurts like hell even when across the globe whole countries are burning, but don't you owe it to yourself to keep things in perspective?

...and it's pretty easy to be a grasshopper around here.

So keep it simple. Every day and in your cooking. Here comes 4 ingredients that will yield the single best thing you can make on a stove top at home. This is not fancy or expensive, it is just the best period.

Yeah, I know we already did Sunday gravy last year, but this isn't Sunday gravy. It also isn't close to being authentic, it's been making the rounds on the Internet for a couple of years, and it struck me as just wrong when I first read about it. So I am going to be the first one to tell you that despite the fact that you will make millions of other tasty things in your kitchen you will never make anything that tastes better. It is just marinara sauce. God's own marinara sauce.

Any time you cook a recipe that only has  five ingredients or less always buy the best possible ingredients you can. So you will need 2  28 once cans of crushed tomato's, 1 stick of butter, Mmmm! butter! 1 Large onion, and salt. You are using canned tomato's because  in 10 out of 12 months a year they have better flavor than fresh, you are using butter, Mmmm butter! because that is what the recipe calls for, you only have to peel the onion and cut it in half, and you know how much salt you like.

1. Put the first 3 ingredients in  pot with a healthy pinch of salt.
2. Simmer for 45 minutes.
3. Add more salt if you need to.
4. Remove the onion.
5. Use with pasta or in other recipes.

Now this is about cooking, and in a second hand way about eating, so feel free to modify this recipe any way you want. The only thing you shouldn't do is switch out the butter, Mmmm butter! Butter, Mmmm butter! turns this sauce into an umami bomb. I tastes like tomato, it tastes of onion, but it is an absolute party in your mouth because of the butter, Mmmm, butter! I know, I was surprise too. Wouldn't it taste wrong? Wouldn't it separate in the fridge? Wouldn't olive oil be healthier and more authentic? No, no, and who cares? This sauce is so simple and so good that if you dump some on a bowl of ravioli and watch yourself some Perseid meteor shower you will know your place in the universe and it will be a very good place.

There will be more posts in the near future. I'd say "sorry for the delay" but I'd be lying. Best summer ever? No, but definitely the best summer since the last one.

Fathers Day

Dear Dad,

Yeah I know. I'm supposed to be an atheist so why am I talking to you? Well, it is "Father's Day," I'm actually an agnostic not an atheist ( don't give me crap I'll commit to something eventually), and I needed someone to talk to who leaves the nonsense out of the conversation and no, talking to you is not nonsense just because you're gone. Remember what Father Clark used to say, "Just because you don't believe in leprechauns doesn't mean it's not a good idea to leave a saucer of tea out on the lawn once and awhile". Well, I need to chat once and awhile, no harm no foul right?

 I'm sorry I got tied up last night but there was a birthday and partying and well, you know. It ended up being late, the reservation was closed so I didn't make it out to the end of the island to meet the sunrise this morning. I did the next best thing though and brought a pole and a chair out by the mouth on the Salisbury side of the river. It was cold and you know I can't fish worth a damn but it felt good to be there. Find the right place and time and the universe just stuns you doesn't it?

So what's the news? Well, I am still the same old agnostic you raised from a pup.

I know Dad, I'll do some push-ups. I promise.

I'm not as crusty as I pretend to be though. I still get involved with the democratic party even though they are a bunch of timid weasels. Heck I was even a delegate to the convention this year. Yeah, it was mostly a pep rally but what the hell, at my age I can use all the pep I can get. By the way Mitt Romney nailed down the Republican nomination for president. I know Mom finally wore you down on the whole conservative thing, but you must be a little pleased right? You would have been all Mitt all the way back in 85. Yeah, I understand that the Republicans have gone batshit crazy which had at least as much to do with your shift in viewpoint as Mom, but I'm sure she wore you down too.

As for your second oldest son he is still a pointy-headed eastern elite collage professor. Still a serious stoic too. All your kids are. We could have been the worse street gang ever, no fighting but boy could we all take a beating. Funny since you never laid a hand on any of us. Teach by example I guess.

...and now we will deconstruct the poetry of John Donne

He's writing a book on ethics ( a real page turner I'm sure), going to England to give a paper, riding his bike 100 miles at a pop just for fun, just generally doing the kinds of things Bill O'Rielly knows will ruin America. I'll bet he even sent a check to the ALCU. Why not? I did.

So I guess I have to say I'm jealous. While I was doing my faux James Dean thing in the 70's he was laying the ground work for a meaningful life. What a dope. Who ever told him that hard work and persistence would pay off? Oh wait, that would be you wouldn't it?

You're third son is still the massive world traveler. I think he just got back from Mexico. Mom's going out to visit him in September. I wonder if having two older sibs that were screaming lefties had anything to do with his conservative turn, or maybe it was you again. I'm guessing both.

He does do his homework though.

We wore him down though. He never argues from the hip anymore. Always with the facts to back himself up. Doesn't he know the new right isn't about facts they are about winning? Yeah, I know the left gets it wrong too, but when they do they at least have the decsency to look embarassed and they definitely don't keep on repeating the BS they just got called out on. Well maybe Oberman but he was banished to god knows what channel while the FOX gang still pulls in 2,000,000 viewers a night. People like the world to be the way they think it is even if it isn't.

Your youngest has had a rotten three years. To start things off his father died, but you definitely knew that. Then came the divorce, which you saw coming. Finally he is trying to get a life  going for himself again but his kids need him all the time and he's working himself to death, and he's looking after Mom's, your, house and the ex still plays games and he doesn't want to be ruled by money but this is America in 2012 after all and...and and and and...

Fortunately he has the right kind of personality.

 I don't understand why conservatives think gay marriage is a threat to the family. Modern life is a threat to the family. Consumer culture is a threat to the family. Narssism as a way of life is a threat to the family. I'll go out on a limb here for my friends that just had their first children these past months. Kudos by the way if you are reading this.  The only material thing I "remember" from my childhood is my first bike. Everything I "cherish" from my childhood was you teaching me how to ride that bike, throwing me the football, helping me hit the baseball, taking me to the Thanksgiving game every year, hiking us through the woods, making the monsters go away when I was little, and making me realize there were no monsters when I was bigger, always taking the high road, always cutting to the chase, standing by me when I was right, getting me to man up when I was wrong, setting boundries for me and living by them yourself. Oh yeah, and being proud of me even when I wasn't proud of myself. When the best guy you ever met is proud of you that counts for a lot. Thanks.

Keeping that in mind I wanted to grill up a couple of blue fish in your honor for fathers day but my lack of fishing talent and the fact that it is still early in the season left me empty handed. Thank God for the local fishmonger... only they didn't have any bluefish either. Oh well, if you think about it things taste better in your memory than they do in real life anyway so imaginary grilled bluefish it is.

Everyone knows the heads and bones is where the flavor lies.

So you will need either a couple of 2 pound bluefish fillets or a 5 or 6 pound whole bluefish cleaned. If you caught it yourself call me and I will explan the cleaning process.

1. Blue fish is oily so we are going to make a sort of wet rub that will draw off some of the oil and sharpen the flavor.
2. If you have a cool grill basket like in the picture we will let the fire do most of the work so take a large dollop of dijon mustard and mix it with a half cup of orange juice, a quarter cup of lemon juice, salt, pepper, and a sirrachi squirt according to your own heat tolerance (Sirrachi is my current crush. If you want to use something different this is America and recipes, except when baking, are suggestions not laws. Ha, Martha Stewart). 
3. Smear it all over the fish. Inside too if the fish is whole.
4. If it's whole toss some sprigs of fresh thyme into the cavity while you're at it Rosemary would be nice too. Don't do both though. It's not a law, but they will clash.
5. Stick the fish in the grill basket. 8 minutes a side for fillets 10 to 12 for a whole fish.
6. Now if you don't have a grill basket break out the heavy duty aluminum foil. Non-stick if you can get it.
7. You will need enough foil to make a pouch that will contain the fish while forming a dome over the fish that will not touch the fish itself. 
8. Add mayonnaise in double the amount of the mustard to our rub.
9. Place the fillets skin side down on the bottom piece of foil.
10. Slather on the rub, use a lot. If you have a whole fish go inside and out.
11. Add the herbage, some tomato slices would be nice, 3 or 4 thick slices of onion couldn't hurt either.
12. Seal and throw the whole thing on the grill for 15 minutes.
13. Don't touch it. It doesn't look particularly wet, but there is now a lot of moisture in the packet from the vegetables, fish, and rub. Which is currently poaching the heck out of our blue fish.
14. After 15 minutes use a chopstick or one of those big scary kitchen forks to poke a bunch of holes in the pouch. Slap the lid on the grill for maximum effect but it really doesn't matter, that bad boy is going to start smoking like a house on fire.
15. After another 5 to 10 minutes you have supper. The fish will flake easily

Hey Dad, I did a whole recipe without using butter, Mmmm! Butter, or beacon, Mmmm! Beacon. Plus, Mom is doing better even  though it's never going to be the same for her. She's a trooper in her own way though, but I guess you knew that too. Now I have some imaginary fish to eat, Ciao!

Convention

• 1a way in which something is usually done, especially within a particular area or activity:the woman who overturned so many conventions of children’s literature
• behavior that is considered acceptable or polite to most members of a society:he was an upholder of convention and correct formsocial conventions
• Bridge an artificial bid by which a bidder tries to convey specific information about the hand to their partner.

• 2an agreement between countries covering particular matters, especially one less formal than a treaty.

• 3a large meeting or conference, especially of members of a political party or a particular profession:a convention of retail merchants
• (in the US) an assembly of the delegates of a political party to select candidates for office.
• an organized meeting of enthusiasts for a television program, movie, or literary genre:a Star Trek convention

a body set up by agreement to deal with a particular issue:the convention is a UN body responsible for the regulation of sea dumping.
I went to the Democratic State convention last Saturday. I was a delegate for Elizabeth Warren. This was a huge problem for me. First off the Convention, but  I'm guessing every Convention since this was my first one, struck me as a strange land of sharks and sheep. The sharks show up with an agenda that includes obtaining power, status, and benefits with in the shell of a political event. The sheep show up as good citizens intent on doing their civic duty and maybe feeling like they have some control over the way things work. Almost everybody there had taken a good healthy swig of the kool-aid. I hate kool-aid.

Red State? Blue State? Doesn't matter; Kool Aid sucks!

 Chanting? What is this, Cub Scouts? Hand claps? Yep, Cub Scouts. Flattery? For showing up? For participating? Do I get a massage with a happy ending if I actually do something, or will a hefty campaign contribution suffice? Meet the stars? Over greasy eggs in a hall full of other people that "showed up" ? Stand in line, I guess a handshake is better than a pat on the head. You get the gist, yet for all the moments I rejected as cheese-ball, corrupt, or corruptly cheesy I still tip my hat to the folks that at least try to get in the fight. As sad as the process got, and trust me sometimes it was killing Old Yeller sad, at least all of the people in that hall have picked a team, taken a position, supported a side. I imagine the same is true at a Republican convention only with more blazers and a side serving of KKK. What bothers me is most registered voters in this country self identify as having no identity. Independent? WTF? Pick a team people. Do the research. Convention is good, convention is how society holds together, convention is how things get done. More importantly you aren't unconventional by refusing to choose. You are conceding the fight to those that do.

Yeah Fat man, maybe you have time for politics but I have important things to do.

Rich sociopaths run our country. They bath in babies tears. They pay $20,000 dollars for a court-side ticket to tonights Celtic game then don't bother to go because they're tired. They feed porterhouse to their dogs while they rail against food-stamps. They hate welfare but put their hand in your pocket when their too big to fail schemes actually fail. They own factories full of illegal aliens unless their factory is in Bangladesh avoiding our environmental and safety laws. They have spent literally billions of dollars over the last 30 years to convince you that freedom and them bending you over a chair are the same thing. (billions) 

Oh no! He's going for the sports metaphor!

Convention has it that a team, instilled with the fundamentals, working together, with a singular goal, can beat a crap load of money, privileged behavior and a loaded deck. Game 6 of the Celtics/Heat series is still a couple of hours away so that theory is still in flux right now, which is how I want it to always be. I want the working people of this country to rejoin the process. I want you to join a team and out work the sociopaths.
 If you are a right winger who thinks that corporations should run free and unchecked, that social security and medicare are a scam, that illegal aliens are horrible unless you need a nanny or a gardner or cheap factory labor, that health care isn't a right, that banks should be able to play roulette with your savings, that poor people deserve to be poor, and that Obama was born in Kenya I want you to go down to the local registry and sign up as a republican.

...but I'm a liberal!

Well that makes 4 of us. So if you are a left winger who believes that if only everyone had a collage degree toilets would start cleaning themselves, that the money that Clinton, Bush, and Obama stole from the the social security fund to make their budgets look better doesn't matter because social security is fine dammit! that instead of the worlds biggest military we don't need any military at all, that you can wallow in consumer goods and still be a good lefty, that unions didn't abandon the rest of us these last 30 years while they tried desperately to "keep theirs", that there is no difference between a public and private union, I want you to go down to the local registry and sign up as a democrat.
Neither of you is going to get exactly what you want, because you're both bat-shit crazy, but at least if you participate you might learn a little more about how thing work than Rush or the Kardashians have been telling you. Maybe I won't have to go to a convention and rubber stamp a bunch of candidates the got picked in back rooms by party hacks, and maybe when you step into the voting booth you won't have to hold your nose and vote for your "side", but rather pull a lever for your choice. There are only two parties in this country with serious power; decide, pick, and get on with it. Join the convention and maybe it won't be so lame anymore.
When I got back from the convention I went right to G-girls house for Greek food. If you are going to be unconventional that is a great place to start. Hell I wasn't there 20 minutes and I was stuffing my face with carp eggs and taboli, and hummus and chickpea salad and fresh feta, and olives and that was just the crudites. By the time I was on my second plate of pastichio (greek mac and cheese) I had a full bore food coma coming on. G-girl was relentless though and rolled out the galaktoboureko.

The next time I hire a hooker, after I've paid for my hour and done my business, I'm going to use the other 57 minutes to have her make galaktoboureko.

I'm not even going to give you a recipe for this stuff. I've never made it myself so I don't know what pitfalls you might run in to so I'll just say find a recipe and give it a try. I've never seen this in any store and it is way to good to not eat all the time. A party in my mouth sums it up. What I will tell you to make since the fresh mint is already in season is mojitos.

Sunshine in a glass.

Muddle that thing into submission

You will need fresh mint, limes, light rum, simple syrup, and sparkling water. A muddler can be obtained from you better stocked liquor stores.

1. Put 5 or 10 mint leave in a Collins glass.
2. Add a hefty wedge of lime, but not that hefty. You want to perfume the drink not overwhelm it.
3. Add a squirt of simple syrup. 
4. Muddle. Downward pressure with a twist. Torture that stuff. Don't break the glass!
5. Add a couple of shots of rum, maybe 3.
6. Ice. Crushed if you have it cubes if you don't.
7. Top it with sparking water or club soda.
8. Drink, repeat.

Go Celtics! I'm a conventional guy, confirm my world view.