Having a Blue Blue Christmas

Christmas is the big Kahuna of holidays. A glorious mash-up of commerce, religion, and family that is only slightly less over the top than a gay pride parade through the middle of the Las Vegas strip. The war on Christmas? A secular-humanist attempt to destroy Christianity, or a corporate attempt to open the wallets of the non-christen rubes to the joys of (ahem) giving? Discuss among yourselves. Still there is also a downside to Christmas. You can feel it don't you? That slight nag in some back corner of your mind that not all is right with the world? Other holidays are pretty straight forward, at Thanksgiving you give thanks for what you have, on the 4th you celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence, on Memorial Day you remember those that died for our country, on Labor Day you get a hard earned day off, on New Years you say out with the old and in with the new, but Christmas... well they made it about giving. That's fine as far as it goes, but the corollary is that it is also becomes about "getting". Suddenly the things you don't have loom large. Spouse in Afghanistan? No heat in the apartment? Can't buy presents for the kids? Hell, do you need a hundred other things for the kids besides toys? Are you hungry? Alone? Just out of faith? Out of hope?

...without you!

That nag in the back corner of your mind? That's your soul telling you that things are out of control. That's your rational self wondering why you and your wife buy each other presents from your joint checking account when you're worried about money the rest of the year. That's your heart exclaiming "It's not a gift if you have to give it". That's your sartorial self wondering "Really? Another sweater?". Don't despair. The voice, the wondering, the exclaiming are all true. So what. The blue part of Christmas is what makes us great. A person that can wallow in excess and never worry or doubt isn't really a person at all.

Why they would probably ruin this beloved classic by making it into a loud special effects laden movie starring a latex covered Jim Carry.

Well, I have your back on this one. If you need more cognitive dissonance in order to become a better more evolved person that doesn't forget the poor and lonely during your hedonistic romp through Americas shopping venues I have just the recipe for you.

Standing rib roast, prime rib, short rib, butchers give it different names in different parts of the country. You want a 6 or 8 bone rib roast from the loin end of the cut. (If you don't know a butcher that you can trust to provide this item for you become a vegetarian.) Have the butcher bone the roast for you but make sure you keep the rack of ribs? Buy some butchers twine on the way out.

1. Pre-heat the oven to 375 degrees.
2. Let the roast and the bones stand on the counter for 45 minutes.
3. Liberally salt and pepper the roast and bones.
4. Fine chop 3 or 4 cloves of garlic and a tablespoon or 2 of rosemary leaves.
5. Keep running the knife threw the garlic and herb until you get almost a paste.
6. Slather the paste on the side of the ribs that would have been attached to the roast.
7. Attach the roast to the slathered ribs using the butchers twine.
8. The roast goes in a roasting pan ( of course a roasting pan, duh)! Ribs down.
9. Put it in the oven for 1 hour. Do not open the door!
10. Turn off the heat. Leave the roast in for 3 hours more. Do not open the door!
11. Turn the oven back on to 375 degrees. Do not open the door!
12. Did I mention to NOT OPEN THE DOOR!
13. After 30 minutes you should check the internal temperature of the roast with an instant read thermometer. You're going for 145 degrees. 
14. If the temperature is right put the roast on a cutting board to rest for ten minutes.
15. Turn on the broiler.
16. Deglaze the pan with a nice dry red wine.
17. Defat the deglazing liquid
18. Cut the twine and return the ribs to the pan. Broil for 3 minutes on each side.
19. Slice the meat.
20. Take the ribs out and separate between the bones.
21. Boil the deglazing liquid and serve as a jus with a horseradish sauce, or add it to a roux with some beef broth ( homemade if you have it but store bought won't offend me) for a voule(gravy).
22. Your oven has been out of commission all day so serve this with mashed potatoes, glazed carrots,  creamed spinach, and the best bread your local bakery can produce.

Now that you have eaten a meal that would make a dead man hard it's time to consider how you can live up to that voice in your head. The world is not a horrible place, but it is often sadder and crueler than it has to be. You have your work cut out for you.