Oh well...?

Seems the world is supposed to end today...bummer. Actually it's only going to be the rapture so the folks that have accepted Jesus as our savior get to go bodily to heaven while the rest of us get to hang around for another 5 months of tribulations. You know, plague, locusts, whirlwinds, standard issue biblical torments.

 I'm not quite sure if the extra few months are supposed to be 1) a chance for us sinners to rethink our miscreant ways or 2) to give us a taste of worse things to come. Me? If I see the dude in the car next to me float off to heaven in the middle of a traffic jam I'm pretty sure that will be enough to convince me that Jesus is my savior. Seems kind of unfair to the other dude though. He spent his whole life praying while I was drinking, cursing, spanking the monkey, plotting to get laid, eating butter, Mmmm butter! and just generally being a dick. I'm guessing that the real option will be #2.

Which is cool because I'll get right to work on my bucket list. To start I'll shoot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Then I'll run with scissors, play with matches, and tear all the tags off my pillows. I always wanted to sleep with the Olsen twins. Owning a slave could be cool. Normally I don't dance because I embarrass myself and the people that can see me but with no hope I can dance the merengue in a speedo in the center of town on the 4th of July. A speedo that I'll then wear  in public 24/7. I'm dying to find out what happens if I eat the bay leaf from my stew pot. I'll phone in prank calls to the White House. I'll go from church to church teasing all the priests and ministers that didn't get raptured. I'll swim right after eating a big lunch. I'll build a pug cannon out of old pipes and elastic bands so I can fire them at oncoming cars. I'll juggle kittens, talk with my mouth full, and wear white before memorial day. I'll see if small children will fit in my pug cannon and then I'll fire them at oncoming cars. I'll sleep with your wives and daughters unless you're a woman and then I'll sleep with you. All bets will be off, I'll have already wasted eternity, so what will I have to lose?

See, this is the problem with religion... it's just no fun. well in the northern hemisphere anyway.

Jouvert means daybreak. During carnival it is a winding street party that starts before dawn and often ends at a Mass. Mardi Gras times 2. If you are going to believe in made up stuff I say go for happy made up stuff. I wonder if the Mayans knew the Christens were going to beat them to the punch  by 2 months on the end of the world thing. Your calendar has 2 months too many Mayans, Ha,ha! USA! USA!

I'm sticking with carnival. So lets cook up up some curried goat for after Mass.

Now first you are going to have to find some goat. In case you haven't noticed you average big chain store usually does not have goat meat. There is a reason for this. White America does not eat goat. Problem solved if you live in an urban area with a large Caribbean or Brazilian population. Find yourself a bodega that has a butcher counter and the goat will be right next to the live chickens. For the rest of you you can order goat online, special order it from a real butcher shop, or just skip the whole thing because the world is ending tonight.

1. Chop a large onion. Mince 2 or 3 habanero peppers. Take a half cup of your favorite curry powder (I know there a 2,000 kinds of curry powder out there, you're on your own kid), a teaspoon of fresh thyme, a healthy pinch of salt and a healthy pinch of pepper and take the whole thing for a whirl in the blender.
2. Add water until you get a loose paste.
3. Hopefully you had the butcher cube 3 or 4 pounds of goat (hard to do at home unless you have a bone saw). Put it in a bowl, add the marinade, and let it sit over night.
4. Heat half a stick of butter, Mmm Butter! in a non-reactive dutch oven. It will be read to go when it starts to foam.
5. While you are waiting try and get as much of the marinade off the goat and into a bowl as possible.
6. Brown the meat in the butter. Mmm butter!
7. You might have to do it in batches. Too much meat at once and the temperature will drop and the meat won't sear.
8. Once the meat is browned add the marinade back to the pot. Then just enough water to cover.
9. Give it at least 2 hours at low heat.
10. Finish it  by adding cubes of potato for about 30 minutes once the meat is already tender.
11. Serve with rice and peas.
12. Break out a red stripe beer cause it's going to be hot.