Thank you Sir, I'll have another!

Wow! So there I was, fat, dumb, and happy. Just hanging out chillin. Then Mom had to go and give birth to me. Darn you Mom, darn you to heck! Bummer. And the genes she gave me... what was she thinking? " Better than suck" is not a great title for a resume or a biography, it doesn't play with the ladies, and it makes a lousy epitaph. On top of all that the one thing that I am moderately good at is taking one for the team... not a big deal right? Until you realize that you are part of team earth so you are taking hits for 7 billion teammates. Ouch! Makes me want to be an angry Teabagger. Angry white guys may never be trendy again  ( I think they were cool during the 50's and 60's but by the seventies they had all traded their rebel cred for a beamer and a job at an investment bank) but they do get to have power, pillage resources, and generally rampage through the culture like a biblical plague. Not ideal, but it looks like a good gig from where most folks have to sit...

"What do you mean Black people can vote?"

... and most folks have to sit in a place not quite as nice as where the angry white guys sit.

"The US state department thinks I make too much money."

 Still, the angry white guys do have a point. The economy is in the hopper. The good jobs aren't coming back. They have to share with women and minorities now. Wages are stagnant since the 70's. Our wars don't have quality bad guys anymore. The Taliban? Who exactly in Iraq after we won? Did we win? WTF? All of our institutions are crumbling. Catholic church, papists or pimps? Discuss.  I have to say I can feel my self getting angry. How the hell can the world expect me to...

"Well, maybe there's a good reason why we're we're not cool"

... and that is where the rubber meets the road. How angry do you get to be when you used to dress  dress like that? I think it is time to dial things back a little, take stock, and then consider the idea that all the rage clogging up the atmosphere is just a wee bit self indulgent.



 Of course there are the usual curve balls life throws your way. Family strife, dissatisfaction with work, isolation, despair, the patient merit that the unworthy take? One day you wake up, go to the mirror, and find something that would kill the Billy Goats Gruff staring back at you. You have to step back, take a breath, and smarten up! Life is pretty darn good. (I snuck 2 literary references in that last paragraph, sorry)

First of all you Mom loves your sorry ass no matter what.

Mom loves hockey!

Secondly as I write this the Bruins are still in that sweet spot where they could become Stanley cup champs. It's why sports are really satisfying... victory is great, but anticipating victory is better. It's why Christmas Eve will always be a better day than Christmas. Entire sports seasons are nothing but Christmas Eve.

Thirdly I'm going to tell you how to make the best... pasta... salad... ever! Summers here and you need something to put on the plate with your grilled burger that isn't heavy mayonnaise laden goo. So we are going to start with Tortellini. Substantial with plenty of folds and nooks to hold the dressing and other ingredients. Plus it's a baby dumpling!

Now you are going to need something awesome to add flavor. If you are out charcoal grilling (gas, it works, it's fine, but do you want to settle for fine?) after you take off your steak charbroil a bunch of peppers. Punish them, they're not ready until the look like the peppers in the picture. When they do look like the ones in the picture put them in a bowl, cover, and let them steam.

1. Boil plenty of salted water (it should taste like sea water. Hey, salt costs what? a buck a pound? don't be cheap.)
2. Toss in a package of regular and a package of spinach cheese tortellini. (hey, two colors make the final dish more festive).
3. The tortellini will float when they are ready. Drain, return to the pot off the heat, sprinkle with balsamic vinegar, the older the better, and toss. Hot things absorb added ingredients better than cold things.
4. Peel the skins off the peppers, seed, and toss them in a blender.
5. Add salt, pepper, a hand full of basil. Give it a swirl. Slowly add some extra virgin olive oil until you have a dressing.
6. Dice a shallot or two very fine (onion would be too strong).
7. Dice an Anaheim or Hungarian pepper fine. Remove all ribs and seeds if you want zero heat.
8. Halve a handful of grape tomatoes. 
9. Chiffonade more basil.
10. Add everything to the bowl of tortellini and fold to combine. Gently.

After you chill that stuff for a couple of hours it will taste like a mouth full of summer and you'll realize that the world is indeed a wonderful place.