It must be true, I won an award!

The Academy Awards were last night, all is now clear. The King's Speech must be a better movie than the Black Swan or Inception. Natalie Portman is now a better actress than Annette Bening. Hey it must be true. Our society is a meritocracy after all, we are all about the merit. Reward the achievers, the rest of us can bask in their reflected glow. How could that ever go wrong?

Wait a minute, didn't I say achievers? We honor achievers, we elect, well you know.

So consider this list of achievements...

Awards and honors

• Anti-Defamation League – Torch of Liberty Award
• Beta Theta Pi (Zeta Phi Chapter) – Wall of Fame
• Brunel University (London) – Honorary Doctor of Social Sciences
• Child Advocates – Super Hero Honoree Award
• Episcopal High School – Campaign Fundraiser Award
• Gas Daily – Man of the Year Award
• Horatio Alger Association of Distinguished Americans – Annual Membership Award
• Houston Area Women’s Center – Honoree
• Houston Children’s Chorus – Honoree
• Houston Community Partners – Father of The Year
• Kenneth Lay Day – Proclaimed by Kathryn J. Whitmire, Mayor of Houston, Texas
• Kiwanis Club of Houston and the Greater Houston Partnership – International Executive of the Year
• March of Dimes – Award of Distinction
• NAACP Freedom Fund Banquet – Mickey Leland Humanitarian Award
• National Conference of Christians and Jews – Brotherhood Award
• Oswego State University – Honorary Doctor of Humane Letters Degree
• Phi Beta Kappa – Outstanding Alumnus Award
• Private Sector Council – Annual Leadership Award
• Stanford Business School Alumni Associations – Houston Business Man of the Year
• Texans For Lawsuit Reform – Award
• Texas Association of Minority Business Enterprises – Texas Corporate Partnering Award
• Texas Business Hall of Fame – Inductee
• Texas Navy Admiral – Commissioned by William P. Clements, Jr., Governor of Texas
• Texas Society To Prevent Blindness – Man of Vision Award
• The Brookwood Community – Honoree Award
• The Rotary Club of Houston – Distinguished Citizen Award
• The Wall Street Transcript – Chief Executive Officer Award
• United States Energy Association – United States Energy Award
• U.S. Navy – Navy Commendation Medal & National Defense Service Medal
• University of Colorado, College of Business and Administration – Ben K. Miller Memorial, International Business Award
• University of Houston – Distinguished Alumnus Award
• University of Houston – Honorary Doctor of Humane Letters Degree
• University of Missouri – Honorary Doctor of Law Degree; The Hebert J. Davenport Society Benefactor Award
• Volunteer Houston – Honoree Award

...what an amazing guy with a pile of awards like that. It certainly is good living in a meritocracy where the cream rises to the top and if you don't become wealthy or famous it is probably your own fault. Thank god there are plenty of  awards so we know what we like? Who was good? What qualifies as art? Consider  an America without American Idol? How would we ever know who is a great singer? Why we might be fooled by...

Raw Vegan Goodness!

No I am not crazy. I just came back from the  "Organic Garden" in Beverly. I went because I love my friends, because I'm going stir crazy with the winter, and because you never turn down a chance to mooch a meal. I also figured that eating raw, vegan food would give me some sort of "Fear Factor" street cred. What's the worst that could happen? Boy was I wrong. The stuff was delicious.

 I'm almost mad about it, because despite this bloggy little exercise in politics and food porn I create I don't eat very much meat. There's a reason for that. I actually got to murder my own dinner many times when I was a wee lad. I spent a summer working at a religious retreat (many posts buried in my soul from that 3 months) that had their own farm. It wasn't a factory farm though so I never even blinked about the concept of where meat comes from. When Bessie got too old you eat her. What were you supposed to do? Let her go to waste? Then my friend who invited me today linked me over to this.

No Green Beans

This is my 30th Post. It's Sunday Morning, February 27th and I just wanted to come clean. Even though I'm a skeptic I love the idea of a supreme being. Truth. I also want to believe in magic, happy endings, true love, Santa Claus, the Democrats, desserts that aren't fattening, the kindness of strangers, karma, destiny, the meek shall inherit the earth, life is like a box of chocolates, our president, our congress, the Red Sox, the Bruins, the Celtics, all men are created equal, everything works out in the end, I just look that way because the camera adds 10 pounds, there is life after death, space people exist,  they will balance the budget with-out crushing programs that help poor women and sick kids, and right about now you have to be shaking your head because no matter what you believe you know that I'm in for a truckload of disappointment. True that.

But aren't we all hard wired to believe in the unbelievable? More importantly doesn't the unbelievable come true every once and a while? Sure it's a bad way to bet, but who would have though that a lightening bolt to the primal ooze half a billion years ago would create a cascading series of events that could result in Justin Bieber and Mylie Cyrus  reproducing themselves someday, maybe with each other? No I did not just disprove the theory of evolution. So even though I don't roll the dice myself I can't really blame people that do... And shame on me because all the really great stuff we ever did ( I'm talking the universal we here ) required a leap of faith at some point. It is Sunday, so I'm going to load you up with the greatest gospel singer of the twentieth century, only if you're a believer...



... and I'm going to give  the rest of you something real, something that our parents and our parents, parents believed in. Hey, it came from the sweat of their brows and their own leap of faith in themselves. More importantly it is what everyone, red state or blue state, is afraid of losing.



Well that was pretty simple, a whole post with almost no irony or sarcasm. You know why? Because when push comes to shove I believe in you people, not just your parents. It is amazing how many hard working honorable people I meet in the coarse of a day. Unfortunately for my hard working and honorable friends this post doesn't have a green bean recipe. Oops! I promised too didn't I? OK, real quick.

The Rules Matter.

When you cook stuff the rules matter. Put a piece of chicken in a pot of boiling water for 20 minutes and it will be cooked and it will be edible, but you're not going to want to eat it. That's because of the rules. The rules of physics actually. No matter how much you want say "screw the rules" if you put that piece of chicken in that pot of boiling water you are going to have some nasty, gnarly, dried-out, tough chicken. So just change the rules, right? You can't dumb-ass! Physics is above your pay grade. There are rules that can be changed though.

Wisconsin wants to change the rules for state employee unions. They want to take away the right to collective bargaining. So what, you say. " I think unions need a good spanking. We need to balance our budgets, why do they have stuff I don't have?" The thing is you don't need to strip away a right in order to balance a budget. Your church would probably suggest that hating on someone because they have a good deal is a bad thing. I might even concede that unions need a good spanking, I might if they hadn't been getting spanked ever since Ronny Ray-gun told the air traffic controllers to take a walk. We can go round and round on that, but can we agree that if they take away a "right" we all lose the use of that right. Hey, maybe we might need that "right" down the line.



You'll have to wait until the end of the clip before you get to my point, but it might be worth your time. Old George could really nail things when he wanted to.

Us? We have to deal with the rules of physics. Namely important stuff like how heat caramelizes sugar, starch is water soluble,  and butter, Mmmm butter!, brings on the goodness.

I just took a walk.

I was going to do a post today about the way the Republican members of congress are trying to trample women's reproductive rights. I was going to weave that theme in with a few pop culture highlights, then finish the whole thing with the mashed potato and green bean recipes I didn't give you with yesterdays post, hopefully making the whole thing fun instead of offensive. That's what I was going to do. I'm going to tell you about my walk instead.

I didn't sleep well last night. A friend of mine needed me to go with him to housing court today, but I have an appointment this morning. This is probably his last hurrah before the banks take his house. He was obviously distraught, raging at the injustice of it all, the failures of the government, how his enemies will gloat, how he moved furniture for years to buy that house, how they're stealing his labor. It was paranoid, it was true, it was spin, it was about mistakes in life made and not made. It was me with a little bad luck.

Yeah, it's all about me. So after a night of tossing and turning I just had to get out of here. Out my front door and into the sunshine. The sky is really blue today and you can feel a hint of spring in the air. The sidewalks are finally clear after months of unshoveled snow. As I head toward the T station everything is still quiet.  The yoga studio is closed, so is the tattoo parlor, someone is inside the liquor store but that's closed too. The rent-a-car lot has a couple of young hispanic kids wiping down the cars,  a woman in a green blazer is visible at the computer at the front desk. I wave to the kids, they don't wave back. Both are wearing earbuds; I'm not even on their radar.

I keep walking. There's a small gang at the White Hen. They're drinking cheap coffee, smoking cheap cigarettes, and filing in and out for scratch tickets as they convert their 2 dollar winnings into another roll of the dice. I buy a paper, it's early but there are only 4 on the stack. If I come back tonight there will still be 2, soon they won't carry the paper at all. No need for it around here.  I pass the bus stop, but it's empty. School is closed for the February break. People schedule trips to Disney land, you can't have school interfere with that even though the kids have already missed almost 2 weeks worth of classes because of snow. What hardship could going late in the summer cause? A kid losing out on a summer job?Hundreds of people trying to learn in unair-conditioned 80 degree buildings?

I skip "Mark's Deli". It's a nifty little slice of the 50's buried directly under the railroad tracks. Unfortunately I've got some pounds to shed by summer so the siren call of cheese omelet with a side of ham has to be resisted. I pop into "Sweet Things" instead for a coffee. Will power is required here too, there's a Mom/daughter team baking away, but I don't like sweets in the morning the way I like eggs. Both women are cheerful and welcoming but the place isn't exactly mobbed. Maybe later in the morning, right now I'm the only foot traffic and the car people are at Dunkin Donuts.

What's the Beef?

You'll see me come back to this one over and over. Roast Beef is good.

The regular news, with an extra shout-out to Fox news, is lame.

I mean let's face it. You come home, you've been working all day, you just want a little comfort. After all you work hard you deserve it. So, when you slide that roast out of the oven, and the whole house smells of beef, and you put a few slices on your plate along with a heep of garlic mashed potatoes and green beans , and you pour on the gravy, just at that moment you know that today was a good day. Then you turn on this.



Scary stuff, Oh No!, the whole world is going to hell in a hand basket! Run away! Run away! Now far be it from me to downplay the dangers of the modern world. Justin Bieber alone is a reason to tremble. Your news people shouldn't be just trying to scare and manipulate you though. Democratic uprisings in the middle-east aren't going to have guaranteed outcomes. Still, democracy is a good idea, right?



Listen for just the first few moments(or the whole thing if you want, this is America). Democracy is a noble thing. It was well worth blowing up a country of strangers and killing 10's of thousands of their people if we can bring that off. Then go back to that first clip. Apparently the Egyptians aren't ready to take the training wheels off the bike, and God only knows about all those other countries. (Shhh! don't tell anyone, but muslims live there.). Hogwash! Enjoy your dinner, turn off the news, and talk to your kids about why democracy is good and why people have the right to self determination. You could have the kids send Billo a letter reminding him when he liked democracy too. You know  what you believe. Consequences and Billo be damned.

What is the Beef!

Boy that's kind of a prissy meal. Well let's tackle the beef and then we'll man up the rest of the plate.

We are so stupid.

1. Us banks created credit default swaps, took our toxic mortgages, diced them up, inserted them into the credit default swaps, and voila! no risk ever again! Wee! it's like we can just print money.
2. Uh oh! Barney Frank + Acorn are crashing the economy (B***S**T but its better than banks being blamed right?).
3. Well the default swaps are still triple A rated investments Mr Public Pension administrator. They can't (cough, cough) fail.
4. Crap they failed anyway. Sorry. Lucky for us banks we are too big to fail.
5. Bush and Obama take turns giving us lots of your money, bonus time!
6. Oops! the states have a hugh deficit. Their pension funds are under water. Somebody sold them toxic investments. Someone will have to take a hit.
7. Time to stop those damn unions from wrecking the economy (not the police or fire fighters, Republicans (and bankers), like the police and firefighters).
8. Look at those greedy teachers and clerks having a job action. Why do they hate America?
9. I love me my gold bathroom fixtures.
10. It really is like we can just print money. I'm glad workers hate teachers and clerks more than they hate us. That way we won't get any flak when we foreclose on their houses.
11. If we are lucky we might actually be the lien holders. We merged so many times that finding the paper work is kind of a bother.
12. Somebody should have gone to jail for this. I hope those Acorn people are finally brought to justice.
13. I really do love me my gold bathroom fixtures.
14. Maybe we can get them to privatize social security. I'd love me a solid gold bathtub.

Something Fishy.

I'm not a big conspiracy guy. Things are usually exactly as they seem. That doesn't mean that all kinds of people don't try to sneak all kinds of things in on you when you are not looking. Sometimes a fairly average new wave band throws a little Nona Hendrix and some P-Funk into the mix and you get a breakout album.


Sometimes a news story gets a little twist so it fits our preconceived narrative a little better.



When you follow it on the news it seems to be about a bunch of public workers that don't want to take benefits cuts to help their cash strapped state. In reality the union had already agreed to talk about cuts, then the state legislature put a provision in the budget bill that would end the right of state workers to collective bargaining. (Fire fighters and police would be exempt. Let's not ruffle the groups that have good PR with the public). Maybe you don't think state workers should be able to collective bargain. FDR didn't and he isn't exactly a raging right winger. Still news should tell you 'The News" not what makes you react or makes you comfortable or fits a preconceived narrative.

Hidden secret stuff. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it confuses the issue, and sometimes it makes stuff taste awesome.!

Make the Call, I know you'll make the call.

You: You're walking down the street. You're coming from your work. You're coming from the gym. You're coming from your tea-party rally. You're in a hurry. You're late for dinner. You're meeting the hot trainer for drinks. You're late to your anti-socialism bible group. Hustle and bustle, it's the American way. "Gotta move, got places to be, better hurry, gonna cut through the ally,  can't delay....

Him: Face down. It's dark but there's blood. He's not moving. His breathing sounds funny.

You: Damn, the hot trainer better understand. You pull out your cell. You dial 911.

You: Then you call your, significant other, trainer, bible group. You're going to be late. You have to wait for the police and the ambulance. You don't move him, somewhere you heard not to move people, so you cover him with your jacket.

Him: Not moving.

You: The police arrive with the paramedics. You wait. They're busy. Time passes. You know the trainer went home. The police want a statement. Finally they let you go. You socialized medicine loving Euro-trash loser! What?

Stone Soup

If you make it, make it good

                                             (Midori)


Well it's friday(Woo Hoo!) and payday(Woo Hoo!). Maybe you are unemployed though. Maybe you just aren't getting the hours you'd like, or maybe that raise is on hold until the banks decide to lend money again. Don't be depressed, stretch those dollars with the magic of stone soup! Woo Hoo! stone soup. All you need is a pot and a large clean stone to make a party in your mouth.

Get up! Stand up!

Today I went to the Lawrence court house to offer moral support for a friend that is facing eviction. When I arrived at the front door there was a line that snaked its way out onto the sidewalk and down the street. Being a good American, used to being herded, I took my place at the end and sort of let my mind wander as we all made our slow shuffle to the infernal gate ahead. We were a motley assortment of the raggedy unemployed, young mothers pushing carragies, gangbangers or gangbanger wanna-bes, worried looking suburbanites shuffling papers, stubby bald dudes there to offer support, even an occasional suit and tie. I'm guessing that some small percentage of my line mates were not going home tonight, but I promise you that everyone in that line was going home at least one day older and a few hours poorer. There was another door, but that was a strictly suit and tie affair, a no waiting I have a law degree, door.

The woman and the babies mostly stayed on the first floor, family court. Restraining orders, child support, DSS stuff. There were way too many of them. I guess if you wanted to you could work up enough rage to get pissed at them. After all they were mostly spanish (illegal), mostly single (tramps), and mostly poor (lazy), mostly young (welfare queens) with their kids (bastards) in tow. You could get mad I guess, if you were Limbaugh, Hannity, or Beck. If you were simply evil. All I could do was feel sad. Most of them just looked beaten down. No one talked. No one smiled. Everyone just waited. Every once and awhile a little one would start crying, and there was a vague hum from the suits conferring at the corners of the hall, but it was almost eerily quiet. You didn't know, but you guessed that there were likely very few good out comes happening on the first floor. Once you bring the kids to court how is it going to get better?

The gangbangers all went to the third floor. They were mostly young, mostly hispanic, with a few whites and blacks in the mix. There was one teen in a suit with his Mom that looked as out of place as Obama at a tea party rally. Everyone over 30 seemed to be male, falling into 2 categories. Either they were in cheap suits ( don't woman lawyers do criminal cases?) or they looked like they crawled out of a dumpster. Apparently in Lawrence all crime is committed by young latinos and skid row bums.

The second floor was me and my friend. It was the only floor where people looked scared. There was a spanish speaking woman at a table which sported a sign that said "Free Legal Advice". It didn't say "free legal counsel". I guess a ten minute pow wow before you discuss complicated mortgage law in front of a judge is better than nothing. (Not!) Here everything was on the line. your home, which represents what? 10 years of your labor? 20? When you see people that are about to lose everything, who can't afford a lawyer, who get a 10 minute pow wow so they can take on the best lawyers that TARP money can buy you have to start looking around for Dante. The banks can't even always prove that the have clear title on the house. Shame on us.

Our case was moved to another day because the judge had to recuse himself. My friend, well, he makes himself known in the community. So today I'm not hungry. I need a recipe for the souls in limbo on the first floor. I need a recipe for the souls embracing hell on the third floor. I need a recipe for broken souls trying to hang on to their lives on the second floor. I need a recipe for my friend that is going to lose everything. There is nothing in any of my books or my smarty pants approach to life that is going to make today better for any of those people.

Praise be the soup!

That stone soup friday was pretty good, so think how great soup can be if you use organic ingredients instead of stones? It doesn't have to be hard either. Today's Sunday. Time to visit friends, time to indulge our spiritual yearnings, ( I said yearnings, I said it. Just because I'm an agnostic doesn't I don't want to believe in a higher power. It just means I don't want the higher power to be some creepy omnipotent kid like from Twilight Zone or Star Trek. Creepy kids are as believable as all our other myths.) and time to go to Al's Diner and get a rocking breakfast. Mmmmm... Al's. Steak and cheese omelet, beans and jumbo english muffin please. Oh yeah, hold the creepy kid...

If we're talking omnipotent beings we should take a more traditional approach. Now get up, clap your hands and embrace the fantasy. Hey, you never know! (Agnostics, having it both ways for 2000 years!)


It's a party for Jesus! Throw in a steak and cheese omelet and you can feel the spirit take you. You can also feel your Sunday slipping away as you try to shoehorn all the stuff you didn't do during the week into one day.(Didn't we used to have 2 day weekends?) Breakfast was the big score today so dinner is going to be simple and easy.

This is Where it Started.

People seem wonder how things got so out of control. Why is everyone so mean and short sighted all of a sudden? Maybe you just spent $100 (Really?) so your girl could get roses at her work("in your face co-workers')  place for Valentines Day ("Someone loves me spinster bitches. I got mine. Woohoo!" Girly fist pump!) Maybe you just came from a parent teacher meeting where a solemn pack of education experts (looking for easy solutions) just told you that your rambunctious 10 year old needs to be loaded up with adderall so he can learn like the other drugged up zombies in his class. Maybe you got laid off, crunched the numbers, and realized that there are worse things than being dead. Maybe you actually tried those recipes I gave you last week and you are going to need to scrape down the kitchen, just as soon as the smoke alarm stops going off (you could try muffling it with a chocolate covered pillow case.) Maybe... well it does seem like there is something wrong, even corrupt about our society. You know why? Because working hard and playing fair is for chumps, and it started right here.



The moment in popular culture when "The ends justify the means" went mainstream. If you are under 35 you don't even know how corrupt this is. The Duke would have never done this. Gary Cooper, not a chance! You young'uns don't even know how shocking this was at the time. It was a genuine surprise. Hell this film didn't come out until 1981. Maybe the 70's, disco, cocaine, and Nixon/Ford/Carter were enough to turn America's soul sour but suddenly the easy way was the smart way.

It's like Obama and Bonher. Got to do that federal budget or the whole country shuts down in March. What to cut? What to cut?...hmmmm.

If you are a democrat and push comes to shove you can certainly count on kicking your base in the teeth,  after all where are they going to go?

If you are a republican and push comes to shove you can certainly count on kicking your base in the teeth, after all where are they going to go?

What a pair. Speaking of pears we never cooked our pears from Monday.

                                             (Luigi Chiesa)

Big Finish!

I know it's late. You've been waiting for the big finish. Well here comes a climax that will blow you away.

                                                                (Neutrality)


Now don't try that at home. The love of your life would probably find that to be too much. Bigger isn't always better.

1. Grab the cream we bought yesterday. Put a cup in the pan with a teaspoon of instant coffee. Boil. 
2. Chop up an 8 once bar of bittersweet bakers chocolate. Chocolate chips will work, but you are a soulless philistine if you use them.
3. Put the chocolate in a bowl that will conduct heat. Glass or metal is best.
4. Pour the cream over top and let it perk. Then stir until smooth.
5. Place an array of fruit, pound cake squares, small cookies, whatever, artfully on a plate.
6. If you have a heating pad set it up in the middle of the bed. It will keep your chocolate from firming up. Hope you used the old sheets.
7. Lure your true love into the bedroom. A small trail of presents works best.
8. Use your imagination. If you don't end up throwing away the sheets you just missed a golden opportunity.

Big finish!

The Big Kahuna.

In the end nothing says love like the rendered flesh of a defenseless herbivore. As we have been building toward a real Valentines day climax it only makes sense to go with the best. Then make it better. Meat, like love, and like sex, only improves with excess.

herbivore

                                                (Lobo)


To start if you are in the Boston area go to the Butcher Boy. You can try and tweak nasty stuff to make it taste good if you have no money, but this is Valentines day. Open the dam wallet and go for the gusto. Just because we are thwarting our corporate masters does not mean we have to be cheap. So 2 filets please, 2 strips of the house bacon,Mmmm bacon, 2 portobello caps, and some gorgonzola. Oh yeah, grab a pear, a bunch of asparagus, some shallots, and a quart of cream.

So right now she should be moping up the last of the pasta sauce from yesterdays post.( I hope you bought some wicked good bread because we aren't making any. So shift gears and go for the gold with the tunes. you are going to have to leave her alone for a few moments although ideally the seating and the stove are in view of each other.









There, that should hold her until the steak hits the plate. By the way, we will rock out later in the week people, I promise. You can't tell me though that the Stones or Green Day or anyone in between bring the romance like these guys. I'll say it! go for it! Prove me wrong!

Freedom Ain't Free

It's Sunday morning. For us agnostic dudes it's just another day. For the rest of you a little spiritual up-lift is in order. After all the bad guy in Egypt is stepping down and change is going to come to a region of the world where poverty and superstition have ruled to many peoples' daily life. But freedom isn't free. Mubarak is out, but for now Suleiman is in. When the head of the secret police, and the military, are running a country the work has just started.

"How can I be a free man when all around me I see people in chains."

I couldn't remember who originally made that quote, but there it is.  Today we are going secular so all the folks that need a little succor this morning can move forward. The hard work always starts now!



Just yogurt and toast this morning. Sorry no food porn.

Forgot the Pasta!

Sorry about that, I spent so much time on the "composed salad" that I forgot about the pasta coarse. That's alright.  We were going slow on the salad, now we want to pick up the pace a little bit so this coarse is going to be fast, hot, and a little dirty. So we'll crank some tunes... have a little more wine ( I know we were drinking beer, but that was on the make ahead salad the day before, the pasta has to be cooked in real time so the wine, you do know her favorite wine right?, is going to be what's on the table)... and get cooking...



Nope, sorry about that. Funk is for later, much, much, later or you could just buy a metronome which wouldn't be as hot.



Ok, better for the mood, because this food is going to be magic.

Go with the classics.

So while the world spins out of our control we still have to prep for Valentines day. This year the goal is to thwart traditional corporate interests, have a really kick-ass meal, impress the ladies, and get laid. Mmmm laid! We did shrimp 3 different ways for an appetizer, but just pick one style, we don't want to overwhelm anyone yet. When you bring the love start with shrimp, but end big! So now we need a salad and a pasta coarse to extend the experience as we work towards the finale. Que. up the tunes, lets cook.



Rock is tough for the love song business. The instruments tend to be twangy, and the energy level is more jackhammer than caress. Beatles rule though. There's not a jazz chanteuse that can touch this one with a ten foot pole. You'll want to hear from the ladies too, same time period so it blends nicely. The sixties, romantic in spite of themselves.



I hope that helps the folks that were gouging their eyes out over the Tchaikovsky. Actually I don't care. Try different stuff, you don't have to bungee jump to get out of your comfort zone. Like salads, who ever said they have to be a jumble of vegetables covered in dressing? I didn't, and neither should you. So we're going to make a composed salad because, well, because like I already said when it comes to romance time and care beat fast and sloppy 99 times out of 100. By the way if you are that 1 in a 100 girl that likes fast and sloppy give me a call.

                                          (Alex Ex)

Let's make it about us!

So what do we know? Well our boy Honsi resigned a couple of hours ago. Lots of people in Egypt are really happy. There are supposed to be free elections. That's pretty much it. Oh yeah, Honsi was a big fat dictator, but not the biggest fattest dictator in the middle east... so good riddance..... right? Wait, he was our personal big fat dictator.




In America everybody is at a loss. How do we take something that caught us by surprise, has almost nothing to do with us, and should be seen as an affirmation that people want to control their own lives and turn it into something that easily fits into our self absorbed red/blue 24 hour news cycle narrative?

If you are a democrat you tip toe around this whole development like it's a land-mine. Democracy is good, but there are scary muslims over there and if we aren't careful it will be like Iran, and then we'll get blamed, and it will be Jimmy Carter all over again, and we'll get croaked in 2012, and.... shut-up!

If you are a republican you tip toe around this whole development like it is a land-mine. Democracy is good, but there are scary muslims over there, and even though Bush's whole war in Iraq was about bringing democracy to the middle east if we aren't careful it will be like Iran, and that's a bad thing if we take credit too early, but it would be an even worse thing if it turns out well and the democrats get the credit, and it is definitely a bad thing if we don't get the Egyptian people to create a government the we want them to, and It will be Obama's 3AM call that he blew, which is good for us in 2012, and maybe it will turn out alright after all, which means Bush's vision... shut-up!

Thank God the people that read this blog  know that "Democracy is a good thing".  Let it happen.

Solidarity people of Egypt.

Start Slow

Let's face it, you have until next Monday so you want to start slow and build to a big finish. I'm thinking  appetizer,  salad,  pasta, and  dessert. Mmmm dessert! You need to get a good rhythm going so you will need some music. Finally you need a couple of thoughtful gifts. Remember our goal here is to thwart the status quo, so ladies if you want roses, chocolates,  and restaurant food call FTD, grab a snickers bar, and drag your soul crushed significant other to Denny's. He can give you that blood diamond pendent over your grand-slam breakfast. For the rest of you...

Gifts that are not thoughtful:

1. Gift certificates, extra points off if they are for Home Depot or Market Basket.
2. Appliances, points off for x-boxes
3. Trampy undergarments, points off for pre-existing holes
4. Mix tapes, points off because you picked your songs not her songs you dope.
5. Toys that are self-heating, self-cleaning, or self-lubricating. Points off if they buzz.
6. Roses (everybody gives roses, it's not thoughtful when 60 million other guys are doing the same thing.
7. Box-o-chocolates (see #6)

Now on to the tunes. Start with the classics. No, not Michael Bolton, the real classics, no not Kenny G, just slow down and let me blog. Duh! I'm talking about the real classics, so we start with Tchaikovsky. Music that is lush, warm, soulful. Music that takes its' time. Remember we're starting slow and easy, then aiming for a big finish.


I know, corny. So corny you could steal it and...



That Walt, he was a thieving bastard, but he was also a master manipulator. Bambi's Mom really? Still romance has a wee bit of manipulation to it no? Let's face it you really just want to be playing with that x-box I told you not to buy, so this whole thing is a manipulation anyway. You bought into that whole "You'll get laid thing" Mmmm laid! By the way Walt knew his stuff. Why pay someone to write romantic stuff when someone else, someone brilliant,  already has? Only steal from the best.



Old school romantic. Gotta love the trumpet bridge at about 2 and a half minutes. If she's not dazzled by these tunes we'll be getting more modern as the week goes by, but I have to say, if she wants Celine Dion, just walk away. If you want Celine Dion seek help. There is good corny. That would be sincere corny, honest corny. If Celine Dion mated with Kenny G all sincerity would drain from our world and we could never love again.  Now we need something to put on the table.

Shrimp: Update a classic.

Valentines Week/Gender Roles/Man Crying

Nothing says love like an artificially generated marketing ploy designed specifically to sell product. That doesn't mean it didn't turn into a good idea. The folks in the boardroom force feed us stuff all the time. You can try rejecting it out of hand. Do that often enough and you end up so far outside the mainstream of society that you end up fat and alone pouring out sorry rants into your computer. Don't be that person.  The trick is to turn things on their head. Sure it is a fake holiday, sure it is going to cost you money, but you can definitely deny the big 3 (card, flower, chocolate industries) their profits.

Valentines day is also a girl holiday. I know, I know,  I'm a misogynist, but that doesn't change the fact that woman love Valentines day for its' spirit while men only like it because they can get laid if they preform the right set of tricks. Mmmmm laid! So, if we are going to subvert our corporate masters we must find a whole knew approach to Valentines day. We have a week so let's get started.

No, no, no, no! Getting woman to be more like men, or men to be more like women is not the answer. We want to enjoy Valentines day, not give it a feminist makeover. Feminism gave women a lot of deserved opportunity, it also gave women double the responsibilities, it also had unfortunate consequences. For example, in post feminist society there is Oprah, Dr Phil, getting in touch with your feelings, getting in touch with your inner child  and this...



The dreaded scourge of man crying. Now this post isn't to pick on Boehner. Man Crying has over-run our society as we all get in touch with our feelings. (Thank you sixties counter-culture as well)





I was going to show you Clinton crying too, but all the video I could find was of fake crying which is probably worse. That means man crying has so engrained it self in our society that there are times when not crying is going to cost you points.

Super Sunday!

Now that I am on the job it is just a matter of time before our suffering ends and this becomes a national holiday bracketed by 2 days off. Don't we all need more days off? You know we do, plus, it's Sunday, a day to relax, to reflect, and to explore our spiritual side, ... and nothing says spiritual like genetic freaks risking concussion, arthritis, and heart attacks to entertain us by playing a kids game. Somewhere Michael Vick is laughing at us.

Our musical selection today strays from gospel over to the country charts.

Not an ounce of irony in that whole song.


I'm heading beach ward in a few moments. Off to Linda's on route one. Time for lobster benedict. How can you not love lobster benedict? Just like how can you not love Linda's? A family place that will hum hundreds of patrons through their doors this morning. Linda will bark, Renee and Debbie and the kids will just smile and work harder, and everyone will be happier for it.  Now that's what I'm talking about! Mmmmm Linda's.


I am expecting wings, baby Ruben sandwiches, and salt and pepper chips tonight. Feel free to surprise me with other stuff, more is always better. Go Packers!

Super Bowl's coming.

Superbowl is coming tomorrow. Isn't it time to declare the Monday after a national holiday? We are a particularly argumentative people, wearing faux rebel gear, wrapped in the flag, and ready to exercise out 2nd amendment rights on anyone that disagrees with us, I say any event that we can all agree on should become some sort of national celebration. We need to wallow in our common ground. Besides do we really benefit from 60 or 70 million hung-over people showing up for work on Monday? I didn't think so.

Now being the chippy jack-offs that we are ( that's us boys) you know you can't possibly enjoy the Super Bowl unless you have a team to root for. That's tough for this Super Bowl. Pittsburgh is the 24th biggest television market in the country and I think they only have etch-a-sketch in Green Bay. Looks like we are going to have to trump up some false rage to get this party started on the right foot (yes ladies, I know you don't have to hate on someone to watch a game, that's why you are sometimes better than us, but that's also  why you are going to be in the kitchen most of the evening chatting and waiting for the commercials to come on).

Now it is just my opinion, but Pittsburgh has Rothlesburger which gives them a head start on the villein thing. (you might want to watch this ladies and join the hate; blame the victim much?)

In fact the Steelers pretty much win this one outright, but in the interest of being fair and balanced we will at least try to hate on the Packers.

Now a lot of you young-ins are thinking..."What's the big deal?" but I promise you that every old school coach in this country, and is there any other kind of coach?, was throwing things at the television when this self-involved nitwit started celebrating before he was in the end zone. Belichek and Ryan in the same room would both be throwing the same things at the screen. Why?

That's why. You should be impressed with yourself after you do something great, not before. We aren't going to get into a meta discussion on why we are going to hell in a hand basket, at least not today, so the sexual predator beats the happy buffoon for todays target. I say "Go Packers!"

We already whipped up some wings this week. Good Super Bowl food. If it's going to be a party though we need something more for the buffet. Start with chips, spring for the good stuff (my personal favorite is salt and pepper). Add some shrimp, a couple of dips, a vegetable plate (blanch the broccoli), it's all good, but you want something a little more substantial. How about this?

Revolting

I guess this is revolution post part two. Revolutions, only sometimes a good thing, never a safe thing, always a deadly thing. What's up with the camel?



Of coarse you can't have a revolution without Rebels. In other places, other countries, a rebel is just a regular person who has had enough and is willing to risk everything to make things better. Even then a lot of times they don't get " better" they just get "different". Better is always out there, sometimes unrecognizable, sometimes out of reach, but worth fighting for. Different is just another word for change, and change happens all the time whether we like or not. So rebellion is not a narcissistic hissy fit by a bunch of spoiled arrested adolescence, it's unpredictable and dangerous. Unless you grab it and make it a lifestyle.



I wonder if the founding fathers had a cool hand shake and a hip attitude? Those darn 50's, quiet, safe, repressive, how could you not rebel? and if everyone was into it how could corporations not co-op the images for a profit. Of coarse there was real stuff to rage against. Civil rights  and the Vietnam war were an actual call to arms... so why do we just remember this guy?



Pretty cool huh? Rebellion as pick-up method. Nothing says Fight the Power like ruining a dinner party to impress the hot girl! Putz! Of coarse once you start making something into a commodity you might as go all in.

SnowDay!

Here in New England the 24 hour news cycle always yields to a snowstorm. Brave news corespondents tape at the very edge of snow filled streets braving the cold and spray from the plows. People hunker down in their homes surrounded by there loved ones, or the loaves of bread and gallons of milk they obtained in in a Lord of The Flies pre-storm frenzy. I mock the prepared at my own Karmic risk from the safety of my den. Do not do the same in a crowded Market Basket when a snow emergancy has been declared. It's snowy and cold in February in New England. How would we manage if a highly paid television personality didn't tell us what to do?

Well I didn't watch the news this morning, so I looked out the window. February, check! Snowy, check! Cold check! I'd guess I'd better dress warmly if I have to go out, stay off the roads, and stay in if possible. Oh yeah, and run to the supermarket to get as much bread and milk as I can possibly stuff into a shopping cart. Wait, the folks that do watch the news have already cleaned everything from the shelves. I guess I'll have to hit my own pantry to survive.

Chowder, now that's what I'm talking about! A cold winter's day screams Chowder! Sadly, I do not have any clams about so we have to go with plan B. Yep, there is a one pound block of haddock in the freezer. What else do I have? Hmmm? Got an onion, no salt pork or bacon (Mmmmmm bacon) but I do have a fatty piece of ham, 3 potatoes, salt, pepper, butter (Mmmm butter) a celery stalk, flour and some Half and half. We're good to go. (If I didn't have fish a can or package of corn would do. Remember, we're cooking, not following recipes.)