Valentines Week/Gender Roles/Man Crying

Nothing says love like an artificially generated marketing ploy designed specifically to sell product. That doesn't mean it didn't turn into a good idea. The folks in the boardroom force feed us stuff all the time. You can try rejecting it out of hand. Do that often enough and you end up so far outside the mainstream of society that you end up fat and alone pouring out sorry rants into your computer. Don't be that person.  The trick is to turn things on their head. Sure it is a fake holiday, sure it is going to cost you money, but you can definitely deny the big 3 (card, flower, chocolate industries) their profits.

Valentines day is also a girl holiday. I know, I know,  I'm a misogynist, but that doesn't change the fact that woman love Valentines day for its' spirit while men only like it because they can get laid if they preform the right set of tricks. Mmmmm laid! So, if we are going to subvert our corporate masters we must find a whole knew approach to Valentines day. We have a week so let's get started.

No, no, no, no! Getting woman to be more like men, or men to be more like women is not the answer. We want to enjoy Valentines day, not give it a feminist makeover. Feminism gave women a lot of deserved opportunity, it also gave women double the responsibilities, it also had unfortunate consequences. For example, in post feminist society there is Oprah, Dr Phil, getting in touch with your feelings, getting in touch with your inner child  and this...



The dreaded scourge of man crying. Now this post isn't to pick on Boehner. Man Crying has over-run our society as we all get in touch with our feelings. (Thank you sixties counter-culture as well)





I was going to show you Clinton crying too, but all the video I could find was of fake crying which is probably worse. That means man crying has so engrained it self in our society that there are times when not crying is going to cost you points.




Just as a point of reference this little bit of emotion cost Muskie the chance to run for president in 1972. Now, less than 40 years later, we get Billy C pretending so he can score points. Thanks Oprah. Thanks Dr Phil.

So seriously ladies, would you really want to date someone that went all John Boehner because there was a scratch in his new car? How about electing someone to the presidency that would do a T.O. when the foreign press was mean to him? I didn't think so. Man crying can be acceptable, here are the rules.

1. After "Old Yeller"
2. After " Brian's Song"
3. During Titanic when the poor woman and her kids are doomed in the cabin (Crying when Leo slips under the waves gets you slapped at your next softball game.)
4. When your wife, who you can't live without, dies.

That's it. If your kid dies you can blink back a tear but you need to be strong for all the other crying people. If the foreign press is mean to you, you invade their country, you do not cry. No crying at beautiful Sunsets, no crying when you lose, no crying when you are hurt (tears may come uncontrollably from the pain, choke them back and definitely no sobbing). You may cry when your dog dies but you have to do it by yourself, in a dark closed room, definitely away from the kids. Crying is a self indulgent waste of time.

 Woman don't even do it anymore, why would you?

 Finally no crying after we pull off a spectacular Valentines day for the woman we will love with our last dying breath. Cause if you do you are not going to get laid. Mmmm laid!

A Valentines meal needs to be about clean focused flavor. It needs to build, so start out small. There needs to be a steady rhythm so no one loses interest. You need a big finish. You should feel lush and full when you are done. Linger afterward, no dashing from the table to do something else.

 Why is the man cooking the meal? We are thwarting convention, trying to get laid (Mmmm laid), and making up for Super Bowl. Come on, did you really think she enjoyed spending 4 hours of her life watching 2 teams she didn't care about with your friend that thinks flaming buca shots are a breakfast drink.

The Post Explained: Valentines day can be fun. (we need more fun)

• Valentines day does not have to conform to expectations.
• Feminism is a good thing.
• Gender roles have changed since 1972
• Man crying is often self indulgent and narcissistic.
• So is most crying.
• Love is good
• Getting laid is good. Mmmm laid!
• I have teased the recipes so you will read this again tomorrow.

Recipes  to come...